Saturday, January 22, 2005
Title: The Demon Child
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Author: Batto-Jitsu
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2215911/1/
Feedback given:
When writing any kind of conversation, each speaker should be on a separate line. Putting more than one speaker in the same paragraph is confusing to the reader.
You should probably brush up on how/when to use punctuation. There are many good references available at your local library or on-line.
In written speech, after the last word and before the closing quotation marks, some form of punctuation is required. Usually, a comma is used, but periods, exclamation marks and question marks are also acceptable. Using no punctuation is not acceptable.
'...do to my room" ' - As it sounds like Duo is asking a question, a question mark should be used.
'...I just tidied it up" Quatre said...' - In this case, a comma should be used.
Your spelling is not bad, better than what I've seen elsewhere lately.
Grammatically, you could use a bit of help.
'...Where glad to be here" - 'Where' should be 'We are' or 'We're'.
'...plain his next move.' - I think the word you meant to use was plan.
'...room" Duo scream with...' - The word 'scream' should be screamed.
'...Duo said turning his back and his braid almost hitting Quatre.' - First, there should be a comma after 'said'. Second, the sentence is awkward. Try this, for example, instead - '...Duo said as he quickly turned around, his braid swinging out to nearly hit Quatre.'
Using the same tense - past or present - consistently throughout the story is also important. 'Said' is a past-tense word, whereas 'appears' is a present-tense word. Pick on tense and stick with it.
A writer should always proofread his/her work and, if possible, have someone else look it over. There are many people within the Gundam Wing fandom who will assist new writers by beta-reading their stories.
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Author: Batto-Jitsu
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2215911/1/
Feedback given:
When writing any kind of conversation, each speaker should be on a separate line. Putting more than one speaker in the same paragraph is confusing to the reader.
You should probably brush up on how/when to use punctuation. There are many good references available at your local library or on-line.
In written speech, after the last word and before the closing quotation marks, some form of punctuation is required. Usually, a comma is used, but periods, exclamation marks and question marks are also acceptable. Using no punctuation is not acceptable.
'...do to my room" ' - As it sounds like Duo is asking a question, a question mark should be used.
'...I just tidied it up" Quatre said...' - In this case, a comma should be used.
Your spelling is not bad, better than what I've seen elsewhere lately.
Grammatically, you could use a bit of help.
'...Where glad to be here" - 'Where' should be 'We are' or 'We're'.
'...plain his next move.' - I think the word you meant to use was plan.
'...room" Duo scream with...' - The word 'scream' should be screamed.
'...Duo said turning his back and his braid almost hitting Quatre.' - First, there should be a comma after 'said'. Second, the sentence is awkward. Try this, for example, instead - '...Duo said as he quickly turned around, his braid swinging out to nearly hit Quatre.'
Using the same tense - past or present - consistently throughout the story is also important. 'Said' is a past-tense word, whereas 'appears' is a present-tense word. Pick on tense and stick with it.
A writer should always proofread his/her work and, if possible, have someone else look it over. There are many people within the Gundam Wing fandom who will assist new writers by beta-reading their stories.
# posted by hellsbit_ch @ 9:32 PM 
