Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Short, but full of errors
Title: Lily
Fandom: Wolf's Rain
Author: Fuzzy Kyo
Location: http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544173738
Feedback given:
Please take the time to proofread your work before posting.
It looks like you may have used a spell-check program, which is a good thing, but don't rely just on the program to catch your errors. There are a couple of instances where you've used the wrong homophone:
'an ally' 'Ally' means "to enter into an alliance". The word you probably meant to use is 'alley'.
'to week to' The first 'to' should be 'too'. The word 'week' refers to "seven successive days". The word you should be using here is 'weak', which means "lacking strength".
Though you've spelled these words correctly, they are the wrong words:
'she look around' 'Look' should be 'looked'.
'remember see my brother' 'See should be 'seeing'.
'but... he's was' 'He's' should be 'he'.
'blood lose her' The word 'lose' should be 'loss'.
'eyes widen as' 'Widen' should be 'widened'.
Some of your phrasing could use some work too:
'regain full consciousness of her surroundings' A person does not regain consciousness of surroundings, they regain awareness.
'thought see that the' Not sure what you're trying to say here.
'It only took her a few seconds for her to' Try 'it only took her a few seconds to realize' or 'it only took a few seconds for her to realize'.
There are numerous punctuation errors, as well as some capitalization issues.
As mentioned earlier, you would be doing well to proofread your work before posting and, if possible, having someone else beta-read your work.
Fandom: Wolf's Rain
Author: Fuzzy Kyo
Location: http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544173738
Feedback given:
Please take the time to proofread your work before posting.
It looks like you may have used a spell-check program, which is a good thing, but don't rely just on the program to catch your errors. There are a couple of instances where you've used the wrong homophone:
'an ally' 'Ally' means "to enter into an alliance". The word you probably meant to use is 'alley'.
'to week to' The first 'to' should be 'too'. The word 'week' refers to "seven successive days". The word you should be using here is 'weak', which means "lacking strength".
Though you've spelled these words correctly, they are the wrong words:
'she look around' 'Look' should be 'looked'.
'remember see my brother' 'See should be 'seeing'.
'but... he's was' 'He's' should be 'he'.
'blood lose her' The word 'lose' should be 'loss'.
'eyes widen as' 'Widen' should be 'widened'.
Some of your phrasing could use some work too:
'regain full consciousness of her surroundings' A person does not regain consciousness of surroundings, they regain awareness.
'thought see that the' Not sure what you're trying to say here.
'It only took her a few seconds for her to' Try 'it only took her a few seconds to realize' or 'it only took a few seconds for her to realize'.
There are numerous punctuation errors, as well as some capitalization issues.
As mentioned earlier, you would be doing well to proofread your work before posting and, if possible, having someone else beta-read your work.
# posted by hellsbit_ch @ 10:33 AM 
