Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Mommy, mommy... it hurts me!
Title: A harsh word or two
Fandom: Gravitation
Author: Athene
Location: http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544175014
Feedback given:
This is a joke, right? Did you bother to proofread your story before posting it? Contrary to what you may have heard, or been told, spelling, punctuation and grammar DO matter.
' No ones home yet.' 'ones' requires an apostrophe between the 'e' and the 's'.
'All they light is off and will first burn brightly late in the afternoon.' This sentence is a total mess.
- 'they' should be 'the' and 'is' should be 'are'.
- 'will first burn brightly late in the afternoon.' What are you trying to say here?
'*BAAAAAAM* the silent was broken as the door swung open and reviled a boy with feminine looking.'
- The word 'silent' should be 'silence'.
- The word 'was' infers a past-tense yet you've been using present-tense in the previous paragraph. Pick a tense and stick with it through the entire story.
- 'reviled' means to 'abuse verbally, to berate, to scold'. Is this word you truly meant to use, or were you looking for the word 'revealed'?
- 'with feminine looking' what? What was feminine-looking about the boy?
' "YUUUUUKIIIIIII, I'M HOME" the boy shouts and takes off his shoes and jacket. The boy was meet with silence.'
- A comma is required after 'home' and before the closing quotation mark.
- 'shouts' Indicates present tense, yet another shift in tensing.
- The word 'meet' should be met.
With so many errors in the first three paragraphs I highly suspect most of your potential readers (and reviewers) and hitting the 'Back' button at an alarming speed.
A word on author notes. They never, EVER, belong in the middle of a story. If an explanation of some kind is absolutely needed by the author, use a footnote instead.
Writing is more than just the story itself. No one expects perfection, but an author should do his/her best to ensure errors such as yours are kept to a minimum. Proofread your own work and, if possible, have someone else proofread it as well. If you cannot, or will not, do this then please stop posting. There are enough poorly written stories without you adding to them.
Fandom: Gravitation
Author: Athene
Location: http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544175014
Feedback given:
This is a joke, right? Did you bother to proofread your story before posting it? Contrary to what you may have heard, or been told, spelling, punctuation and grammar DO matter.
' No ones home yet.' 'ones' requires an apostrophe between the 'e' and the 's'.
'All they light is off and will first burn brightly late in the afternoon.' This sentence is a total mess.
- 'they' should be 'the' and 'is' should be 'are'.
- 'will first burn brightly late in the afternoon.' What are you trying to say here?
'*BAAAAAAM* the silent was broken as the door swung open and reviled a boy with feminine looking.'
- The word 'silent' should be 'silence'.
- The word 'was' infers a past-tense yet you've been using present-tense in the previous paragraph. Pick a tense and stick with it through the entire story.
- 'reviled' means to 'abuse verbally, to berate, to scold'. Is this word you truly meant to use, or were you looking for the word 'revealed'?
- 'with feminine looking' what? What was feminine-looking about the boy?
' "YUUUUUKIIIIIII, I'M HOME" the boy shouts and takes off his shoes and jacket. The boy was meet with silence.'
- A comma is required after 'home' and before the closing quotation mark.
- 'shouts' Indicates present tense, yet another shift in tensing.
- The word 'meet' should be met.
With so many errors in the first three paragraphs I highly suspect most of your potential readers (and reviewers) and hitting the 'Back' button at an alarming speed.
A word on author notes. They never, EVER, belong in the middle of a story. If an explanation of some kind is absolutely needed by the author, use a footnote instead.
Writing is more than just the story itself. No one expects perfection, but an author should do his/her best to ensure errors such as yours are kept to a minimum. Proofread your own work and, if possible, have someone else proofread it as well. If you cannot, or will not, do this then please stop posting. There are enough poorly written stories without you adding to them.
# posted by hellsbit_ch @ 11:27 AM 
