Monday, December 13, 2004
Editor needed
Title: Strangers in Our Midst
Fandom: Wolf's Rain
Author: fearthedark10
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2103996/1/
Feedback given:
Wow, you really need to do some serious editing of your story.
Spelling, grammar, punctuation and form are all a part of writing and attention must be paid to them.
First of all, the name of the anime should be capitalized. This is not optional, please do it.
Your first 'chapter', while it contains many errors, is not really a chapter as FF.N defines the word. An entire chapter of character descriptions may be in violation of the content rules. Should this be reported, you may find your account removed or frozen.
Proofreading your work is always a good idea, even if you use a spell check program. A word may be spelled correctly, but still be wrong. 'Bolder' is a word, but the word you probably wanted to use would be 'boulder'.
Each speaker should have his/her own line. Cramming more than one speaker into a paragraph is, apart from flat-out wrong, confusing to read. Confusing readers will cause them to leave before your story is done. This is not a good thing.
Punctuation is important. You have a number of errors using the wrong type of punctuation and missing punctuation. There are a number of very good on-line tutorials for proper punctuation usage.
Using a beta reader would be an excellent idea. This is a person who will read your work, before it is posted, and point out what needs correcting. Most fandoms have beta readers and a search on Google will guide you to one for Wolf's Rain.
Before you post more, please take the time to make your work the best it can be.
Fandom: Wolf's Rain
Author: fearthedark10
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2103996/1/
Feedback given:
Wow, you really need to do some serious editing of your story.
Spelling, grammar, punctuation and form are all a part of writing and attention must be paid to them.
First of all, the name of the anime should be capitalized. This is not optional, please do it.
Your first 'chapter', while it contains many errors, is not really a chapter as FF.N defines the word. An entire chapter of character descriptions may be in violation of the content rules. Should this be reported, you may find your account removed or frozen.
Proofreading your work is always a good idea, even if you use a spell check program. A word may be spelled correctly, but still be wrong. 'Bolder' is a word, but the word you probably wanted to use would be 'boulder'.
Each speaker should have his/her own line. Cramming more than one speaker into a paragraph is, apart from flat-out wrong, confusing to read. Confusing readers will cause them to leave before your story is done. This is not a good thing.
Punctuation is important. You have a number of errors using the wrong type of punctuation and missing punctuation. There are a number of very good on-line tutorials for proper punctuation usage.
Using a beta reader would be an excellent idea. This is a person who will read your work, before it is posted, and point out what needs correcting. Most fandoms have beta readers and a search on Google will guide you to one for Wolf's Rain.
Before you post more, please take the time to make your work the best it can be.
Oh my...
Title: Harry Potter and The Two Defenders
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: Jenn Cole
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2171153/1/
Feedback given:
Sentences should begin with a capital letter every time. This is not something that is optional.
Proper names should also be capitalized. Again, this is not an optional thing.
Example:
'...Sirius black...' The last name of this character should be capitalized.
Using the right word and general spelling are important. This applies whether you are writing something creative (like your story) or something more formal (such as a report).
Examples:
'...were to reason...' 'to' is the wrong word, try 'two'.
'...few month ago...' 'month' should be plural.
'...and anrgy...' Misspelling and wrong word, try anger.
'...school as the a soft breeze blow...' Either eliminate the word 'the' or 'a'. And use 'blew' instead of 'blow'.
'...her spend time...' No, not 'spend'. One does not have 'spend' time, but 'spare' time.
'...gaint...' The word is 'giant'.
'...She dean to...' Not sure what word you're trying to use here, but 'dean' is not it.
'...She with drew from...' 'Withdrew' is one word, not two.
'...but have owl...' Looks like you're missing a word here.
These are the most blatant errors from the first two paragraphs. There is more, much more, throughout the entire story.
In fan fiction, spelling the name of a character wrong is paramount to a mortal sin. Many readers may forgive other spelling errors but spell a character name wrong and you will be strung from the highest tree.
Each speaker should have his/her own line. Jamming more than one speaker into the same paragraph makes your story difficult to read. The lack of capitalization and punctuation increases the difficulty.
Punctuation is necessary as well. Sentences should end with some form of punctuation every time.
Generally, after someone finishes speaking a comma should be used. There are exceptions such
' "Well, I sorry. You need to make the spells on it stronger." said Jenn in defence.' In this case, the period after 'stronger' should be a comma.
When you would not use a comma would be in this type of instance -
Jenn got defensive and said, "Well, I sorry. You need to make the spells stronger."
Of course, if you use an exclamation mark or question mark then there is no need for a comma.
Adding some emotion to how characters speak would be a good thing. You've done it occasionally but more is needed.
Pick one tense (past or present) and stick with it through the whole story. Shifting tenses are annoying to a reader.
Most, if not all, of the errors in your story could have been caught if you'd proofread your work and run it through a spelling/grammar checker. If you don't have a spell checking program, one is available on-line at http://www.spellcheck.net.
Using a beta reader is highly recommended. This is someone who will read through your work and point out where problems are. It is not a sign of weakness to use one; professionals do it all the time.
Take the time to ensure your story is the best that it can be before you post it. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, they all matter and all affect how others will regard you. No one expects perfection, but you're story needs some serious editing to make it readable.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: Jenn Cole
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2171153/1/
Feedback given:
Sentences should begin with a capital letter every time. This is not something that is optional.
Proper names should also be capitalized. Again, this is not an optional thing.
Example:
'...Sirius black...' The last name of this character should be capitalized.
Using the right word and general spelling are important. This applies whether you are writing something creative (like your story) or something more formal (such as a report).
Examples:
'...were to reason...' 'to' is the wrong word, try 'two'.
'...few month ago...' 'month' should be plural.
'...and anrgy...' Misspelling and wrong word, try anger.
'...school as the a soft breeze blow...' Either eliminate the word 'the' or 'a'. And use 'blew' instead of 'blow'.
'...her spend time...' No, not 'spend'. One does not have 'spend' time, but 'spare' time.
'...gaint...' The word is 'giant'.
'...She dean to...' Not sure what word you're trying to use here, but 'dean' is not it.
'...She with drew from...' 'Withdrew' is one word, not two.
'...but have owl...' Looks like you're missing a word here.
These are the most blatant errors from the first two paragraphs. There is more, much more, throughout the entire story.
In fan fiction, spelling the name of a character wrong is paramount to a mortal sin. Many readers may forgive other spelling errors but spell a character name wrong and you will be strung from the highest tree.
Each speaker should have his/her own line. Jamming more than one speaker into the same paragraph makes your story difficult to read. The lack of capitalization and punctuation increases the difficulty.
Punctuation is necessary as well. Sentences should end with some form of punctuation every time.
Generally, after someone finishes speaking a comma should be used. There are exceptions such
' "Well, I sorry. You need to make the spells on it stronger." said Jenn in defence.' In this case, the period after 'stronger' should be a comma.
When you would not use a comma would be in this type of instance -
Jenn got defensive and said, "Well, I sorry. You need to make the spells stronger."
Of course, if you use an exclamation mark or question mark then there is no need for a comma.
Adding some emotion to how characters speak would be a good thing. You've done it occasionally but more is needed.
Pick one tense (past or present) and stick with it through the whole story. Shifting tenses are annoying to a reader.
Most, if not all, of the errors in your story could have been caught if you'd proofread your work and run it through a spelling/grammar checker. If you don't have a spell checking program, one is available on-line at http://www.spellcheck.net.
Using a beta reader is highly recommended. This is someone who will read through your work and point out where problems are. It is not a sign of weakness to use one; professionals do it all the time.
Take the time to ensure your story is the best that it can be before you post it. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, they all matter and all affect how others will regard you. No one expects perfection, but you're story needs some serious editing to make it readable.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Author response
Author response to this feedback
Hi this is Black wolf of dreams, hellsbitch, I will not say your a bitch because apparently you take that as a compliment, as a matter of fact im not here to judge you at all but as you requested in your review that you want me to correct my story then so be it.
Well, I see your stellar punctuation and capitalization continues. Correcting your story will help you grow as a writer.
correcting my story may take a few days using the resourses that you gave me.
Is it a problem if fixing the errors takes a few days? Will life as you know it end? Will your mental and physical resources be drained? You should have already learned most of what was pointed out in school. Editing your work, correcting errors, is just as important as the initial writing. In the grand scheme of things, a couple extra days of editing is nothing.
One question, Do you enjoy hurting and critisizing people because of their mistakes?....
Do you enjoy posting something that is full of errors and a strain to read? Nobody enjoys reading, or attempting to read, something like that. The mistakes that were pointed out are basic things. Spelling, punctuation, capitalization, etc. are used when you write a report or a letter. Have you never written a report for school? Did you use the same sloppiness you did for your story on FF.N?
If you can't write a story and use proper spelling, grammar, etc. then don't post the story.
Hi this is Black wolf of dreams, hellsbitch, I will not say your a bitch because apparently you take that as a compliment, as a matter of fact im not here to judge you at all but as you requested in your review that you want me to correct my story then so be it.
Well, I see your stellar punctuation and capitalization continues. Correcting your story will help you grow as a writer.
correcting my story may take a few days using the resourses that you gave me.
Is it a problem if fixing the errors takes a few days? Will life as you know it end? Will your mental and physical resources be drained? You should have already learned most of what was pointed out in school. Editing your work, correcting errors, is just as important as the initial writing. In the grand scheme of things, a couple extra days of editing is nothing.
One question, Do you enjoy hurting and critisizing people because of their mistakes?....
Do you enjoy posting something that is full of errors and a strain to read? Nobody enjoys reading, or attempting to read, something like that. The mistakes that were pointed out are basic things. Spelling, punctuation, capitalization, etc. are used when you write a report or a letter. Have you never written a report for school? Did you use the same sloppiness you did for your story on FF.N?
If you can't write a story and use proper spelling, grammar, etc. then don't post the story.
Friday, December 10, 2004
*stabstabstab*
Title: tears of ginny weasley
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: TfRgirl
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2167004/1/
Feedback given:
Spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalization and proper form are missing from your story. These are essential parts to writing and cannot be ignored.
Please, help yourself by running your work through a spelling and grammar checker, proofreading your work and getting a beta reader (if possible).
As you've posted your story, it is a nightmare to read. Multiple speakers mashed into one paragraph are very hard to read. The lack of punctuation renders your sentences so confusing most readers will probably abandon this story before finishing. Wrong words used, or right words spelled wrong, render the story even more confusing.
Before you post more, take the time to have someone else look it over and then correct your mistakes.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: TfRgirl
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2167004/1/
Feedback given:
Spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalization and proper form are missing from your story. These are essential parts to writing and cannot be ignored.
Please, help yourself by running your work through a spelling and grammar checker, proofreading your work and getting a beta reader (if possible).
As you've posted your story, it is a nightmare to read. Multiple speakers mashed into one paragraph are very hard to read. The lack of punctuation renders your sentences so confusing most readers will probably abandon this story before finishing. Wrong words used, or right words spelled wrong, render the story even more confusing.
Before you post more, take the time to have someone else look it over and then correct your mistakes.
There is more to writing than just the story
Title: Blood under the moon
Fandom: Wolf's Rain
Author: Black wolf of dreams
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2137268/1/
Feedback given:
When writing a story, spelling, grammar, punctuation and form all matter. If English is not your first language, then some of the errors in your story can be forgiven.
Each speaker should have his or her own line. When you jam multiple speakers into the same paragraph, it becomes very difficult to keep track of who is speaking.
Some form of punctuation is required at the end of sentences.
'...asked in a tense voice' Missing a period after 'voice'.
This type of error is one you repeat multiple times.
When someone finishes speaking, and before the closing quotes, punctuation is needed. Most times it will take the form of a comma, but an exclamation mark or question mark can be used.
Punctuation is not an optional thing; it must be used. If you cannot grasp how punctuation works, there are many on-line sources and your local library will have books on the subject.
Your spelling in this story is very atrocious. Occasional spelling errors and typing mistakes can be forgiven and, often times, a reader may not notice one or two of these errors. When spelling errors occur multiple times, a reader will notice and may actually abandon your story. Driving readers away is not, typically, what a writer desires.
Most, if not all, of your spelling errors would have been caught with a spell-check program and proofreading. If you do not have a spell-check program, a free version is available on-line at http://www.spellcheck.net. If you do not have a dictionary, your local library should have one available and there are multiple free on-line dictionary sites.
Author notes do not, ever, belong in the body of a story. They detract from the overall story and rarely enhance the story. If an explanation about something, such as a foreign word, is needed, a footnote should be used.
Capitalization is required for all proper names and the start of all sentences. This is not optional, but required. Books and on-line resources are available regarding when to use capital letters.
You might also find a beta reader helpful. This is a person who will read through your work and assist you with spelling, grammar and other issues.
If you cannot take the time to ensure your work is as error-free as possible, then please stop posting. No one expects perfection, but posting something as error-riddled as "Blood under the moon" makes you appear lazy and uneducated.
Fandom: Wolf's Rain
Author: Black wolf of dreams
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2137268/1/
Feedback given:
When writing a story, spelling, grammar, punctuation and form all matter. If English is not your first language, then some of the errors in your story can be forgiven.
Each speaker should have his or her own line. When you jam multiple speakers into the same paragraph, it becomes very difficult to keep track of who is speaking.
Some form of punctuation is required at the end of sentences.
'...asked in a tense voice' Missing a period after 'voice'.
This type of error is one you repeat multiple times.
When someone finishes speaking, and before the closing quotes, punctuation is needed. Most times it will take the form of a comma, but an exclamation mark or question mark can be used.
Punctuation is not an optional thing; it must be used. If you cannot grasp how punctuation works, there are many on-line sources and your local library will have books on the subject.
Your spelling in this story is very atrocious. Occasional spelling errors and typing mistakes can be forgiven and, often times, a reader may not notice one or two of these errors. When spelling errors occur multiple times, a reader will notice and may actually abandon your story. Driving readers away is not, typically, what a writer desires.
Most, if not all, of your spelling errors would have been caught with a spell-check program and proofreading. If you do not have a spell-check program, a free version is available on-line at http://www.spellcheck.net. If you do not have a dictionary, your local library should have one available and there are multiple free on-line dictionary sites.
Author notes do not, ever, belong in the body of a story. They detract from the overall story and rarely enhance the story. If an explanation about something, such as a foreign word, is needed, a footnote should be used.
Capitalization is required for all proper names and the start of all sentences. This is not optional, but required. Books and on-line resources are available regarding when to use capital letters.
You might also find a beta reader helpful. This is a person who will read through your work and assist you with spelling, grammar and other issues.
If you cannot take the time to ensure your work is as error-free as possible, then please stop posting. No one expects perfection, but posting something as error-riddled as "Blood under the moon" makes you appear lazy and uneducated.
Live with it? I think not!
Title: Dirty Dancing: Hogwarts style
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: icyfreshchick
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2149627/1/
Feedback given:
First off, a chapter of nothing but author notes is not permitted on FF.N. You should remove this or risk having your account frozen/removed.
Your spelling, grammar, punctuation and form could use improvement. Like it or not, all of these are part of writing. Telling readers to 'live with' your lack of spelling is unacceptable. Such a statement makes you appear lazy.
- Proper names, including nick-names, should be capitalized.
- Each speaker should have his or her own line.
- Beginning and ending quotation marks should be used.
- Spaces are required after punctuation and between words.
'...her schatz, She...' Since 'schatz' is used as a name, the 's' should be capitalized. The comma after 'schatz' should be a period.
'determind' The correct spelling is 'determined'.
'...Natalie! You sister...' The 'You' should be 'Your'.
'...said Mrs Granger...' 'Mrs' requires a period after the 's'.
'...pulled in Hermione...' Missing a comma after 'in'.
'quickley' There is no 'e' in this word.
'...bitchy sister" said...' After sister, and before the end quotation marks, a comma is required.
'...going on,ok?" said Hermione...' A space is required after the comma. It appears Hermione asked a question so the 'said' should be changed to something that implies a question (such as 'asked').
'...door."Have fun sweetheart" shouted...' Two spaces are required after the period and a comma is required after 'sweetheart'.
'...you!?Said Hermione...' Missing closing quotation marks, missing a space and 'said' should not be capitalized.
'...friend."Hermione?...' Missing a space.
'..."So ...Harry.....you work here?"(Hermione)
"Yeah."(Harry)...'
Why are the names in parentheses? If you are trying to indicate the person speaking, this is not the way to do it.
'...red headed...' Missing a hyphen.
'...boy?"said...' Missing a space.
'...that's...' Missing an apostrophe.
'..."Ok." replied...' The period should be a comma.
'rooom' Correct spelling is 'room'.
'...(i don't know how to spell so damn it live w/it lol)...' First, author notes in the body of a story detract from the story itself. Second, learn how to spell.
'...towards her."Hey Har! Whats she doin here...' Space missing after 'her.' Missing comma after 'Hey'. Missing apostrophes - can you see where?
Your work would benefit greatly if you proofread it, used a spell-check program and used a beta reader. Most, if not all, of these errors would have been caught before you posted the story.
If you do not have a spell-check program, there is a free on-line version at http://www.spellcheck.net. Dictionaries should also be available at your local library.
Beta readers for Harry Potter can be found here - http://www.perfectimagination.co.uk/ and here - http://joyce.jteers.net/hpwritersguild/directory.html
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: icyfreshchick
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2149627/1/
Feedback given:
First off, a chapter of nothing but author notes is not permitted on FF.N. You should remove this or risk having your account frozen/removed.
Your spelling, grammar, punctuation and form could use improvement. Like it or not, all of these are part of writing. Telling readers to 'live with' your lack of spelling is unacceptable. Such a statement makes you appear lazy.
- Proper names, including nick-names, should be capitalized.
- Each speaker should have his or her own line.
- Beginning and ending quotation marks should be used.
- Spaces are required after punctuation and between words.
'...her schatz, She...' Since 'schatz' is used as a name, the 's' should be capitalized. The comma after 'schatz' should be a period.
'determind' The correct spelling is 'determined'.
'...Natalie! You sister...' The 'You' should be 'Your'.
'...said Mrs Granger...' 'Mrs' requires a period after the 's'.
'...pulled in Hermione...' Missing a comma after 'in'.
'quickley' There is no 'e' in this word.
'...bitchy sister" said...' After sister, and before the end quotation marks, a comma is required.
'...going on,ok?" said Hermione...' A space is required after the comma. It appears Hermione asked a question so the 'said' should be changed to something that implies a question (such as 'asked').
'...door."Have fun sweetheart" shouted...' Two spaces are required after the period and a comma is required after 'sweetheart'.
'...you!?Said Hermione...' Missing closing quotation marks, missing a space and 'said' should not be capitalized.
'...friend."Hermione?...' Missing a space.
'..."So ...Harry.....you work here?"(Hermione)
"Yeah."(Harry)...'
Why are the names in parentheses? If you are trying to indicate the person speaking, this is not the way to do it.
'...red headed...' Missing a hyphen.
'...boy?"said...' Missing a space.
'...that's...' Missing an apostrophe.
'..."Ok." replied...' The period should be a comma.
'rooom' Correct spelling is 'room'.
'...(i don't know how to spell so damn it live w/it lol)...' First, author notes in the body of a story detract from the story itself. Second, learn how to spell.
'...towards her."Hey Har! Whats she doin here...' Space missing after 'her.' Missing comma after 'Hey'. Missing apostrophes - can you see where?
Your work would benefit greatly if you proofread it, used a spell-check program and used a beta reader. Most, if not all, of these errors would have been caught before you posted the story.
If you do not have a spell-check program, there is a free on-line version at http://www.spellcheck.net. Dictionaries should also be available at your local library.
Beta readers for Harry Potter can be found here - http://www.perfectimagination.co.uk/ and here - http://joyce.jteers.net/hpwritersguild/directory.html
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Setting a record is not always a good thing
Title: The Bubble Trouble Sisters
Author: lovelylilly
Fandom: Harry Potter
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2153559/1/
Feedback given:
It was the summary that first drew my attention. In thirty-one words, you managed two spelling errors and five capitalization errors. That's impressive, but not nearly as much as your story.
Your opening author notes are… wow. Trust me, no one is going copy it without first doing a massive amount of editing and proofreading.
'nowone' Let's try 'no one'. Two words, not one and definitely no 'w' in the word.
'ill' The meaning of this word is "out of health, sick". Is that what you meant? Or, perhaps, were you looking for the contracted form of 'I will'?
'i' should be capitalized. You have heard of capital letters, haven't you?
'godess' Correct spelling is 'goddess'.
'J.K.s' There should be an apostrophe between the 'K' and the 's'.
'i dont' Same issue again with capitalization and a missing apostrophe.
'sirius' Proper names require capitalization
'i' Third time for this error.
After reading the first chapter, here's the best feedback I could give you -
STOP WRITING. At least until you understand grammar, punctuation, capitalization and spelling. The sheer amount of errors in the first chapter is staggering.
You should, at the very least, run your work through a spell-check program. If you do not have one, there is an online version available at http://www.spellcheck.net.
Use a beta reader before posting. A beta reader is a person who will read your work, looking for errors (grammar, spelling, punctuation, plot) and make sure you are aware of them. For Harry Potter stories, there are lists of beta readers here - http://www.perfectimagination.co.uk/ and here - http://joyce.jteers.net/hpwritersguild/directory.html
Author: lovelylilly
Fandom: Harry Potter
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2153559/1/
Feedback given:
It was the summary that first drew my attention. In thirty-one words, you managed two spelling errors and five capitalization errors. That's impressive, but not nearly as much as your story.
Your opening author notes are… wow. Trust me, no one is going copy it without first doing a massive amount of editing and proofreading.
'nowone' Let's try 'no one'. Two words, not one and definitely no 'w' in the word.
'ill' The meaning of this word is "out of health, sick". Is that what you meant? Or, perhaps, were you looking for the contracted form of 'I will'?
'i' should be capitalized. You have heard of capital letters, haven't you?
'godess' Correct spelling is 'goddess'.
'J.K.s' There should be an apostrophe between the 'K' and the 's'.
'i dont' Same issue again with capitalization and a missing apostrophe.
'sirius' Proper names require capitalization
'i' Third time for this error.
After reading the first chapter, here's the best feedback I could give you -
STOP WRITING. At least until you understand grammar, punctuation, capitalization and spelling. The sheer amount of errors in the first chapter is staggering.
You should, at the very least, run your work through a spell-check program. If you do not have one, there is an online version available at http://www.spellcheck.net.
Use a beta reader before posting. A beta reader is a person who will read your work, looking for errors (grammar, spelling, punctuation, plot) and make sure you are aware of them. For Harry Potter stories, there are lists of beta readers here - http://www.perfectimagination.co.uk/ and here - http://joyce.jteers.net/hpwritersguild/directory.html
Why, just why?
Title: Lesbians and Schoolgirls
Fandom: Gravitation
Author: Keana
Location: http://fiction.gurabiteshiyon.net/story.php?no=653
Fan Fiction should not take established characters and change them. Fan fiction should build on who and what the canon characters are. Some aspects of a character are left vague by the original author, but in Gravitation the character of Yuki has his sexuality pretty well defined. Changing it, for no other reason than to insert your own character, is inexcusable. How can you call yourself a 'Gravitation fan' and write this?
You should also consider running your work through a spell check program before posting. If you do not have such a program, there is a free service available at http://www.spellcheck.net. Enlisting the help of a beta reader wouldn't hurt either.
'exsact' Try spelling the word this way - exact.
'enthusiasticly.' The correct spelling is enthusiastically.
'scilencing' Were you trying to spell silencing?
'lyk' What word is 'lyk' supposed to be?
'courds' Not sure what a courd is, but try using chord. By the way, you've misspelled this word often and in a variety of ways.
'corus' The word is chorus.
'notaced' The correct spelling is noticed.
'emsamble' Ensemble is the word you are looking for.
There are some grammar and punctuation mistakes as well, which is why you should proofread your work more and get a beta reader.
Fandom: Gravitation
Author: Keana
Location: http://fiction.gurabiteshiyon.net/story.php?no=653
Fan Fiction should not take established characters and change them. Fan fiction should build on who and what the canon characters are. Some aspects of a character are left vague by the original author, but in Gravitation the character of Yuki has his sexuality pretty well defined. Changing it, for no other reason than to insert your own character, is inexcusable. How can you call yourself a 'Gravitation fan' and write this?
You should also consider running your work through a spell check program before posting. If you do not have such a program, there is a free service available at http://www.spellcheck.net. Enlisting the help of a beta reader wouldn't hurt either.
'exsact' Try spelling the word this way - exact.
'enthusiasticly.' The correct spelling is enthusiastically.
'scilencing' Were you trying to spell silencing?
'lyk' What word is 'lyk' supposed to be?
'courds' Not sure what a courd is, but try using chord. By the way, you've misspelled this word often and in a variety of ways.
'corus' The word is chorus.
'notaced' The correct spelling is noticed.
'emsamble' Ensemble is the word you are looking for.
There are some grammar and punctuation mistakes as well, which is why you should proofread your work more and get a beta reader.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Author response, now with threats! (oh my!)
In response to this reply (referencing this feedback)
FYI half the mm.org members write 'mary sues'
I am quite aware of that, thank you. Adding a new character - Mary Sue or not - was not the issue.
and you know i don't appreciate anyone telling me that im lazy, ignorant, and that i write like an eight-year old.
Actually, there is no way I could know what you do and do not appreciate, is there?
Since you obviously see nothing wrong with the structure of your writing you are, perhaps, more uneducated than ignorant. Though, after reading your entire response, I'd still lean toward ignorant.
Or laughing at me, also FYI i am a good writer and know what i'm doing, i may not use that formatting and structure shit you talk about,
Wrong! If you do not use proper formatting, spelling, language and grammar you are assuredly NOT a 'good writer'. A 'good writer' would take the time to separate each speaker, proof his/her own work and generally ensure the story is readable before submitting it.
for 1 i don't know what it is, 2 i don't care, 3 i am not uneducated,
If you don't know what proper 'formatting and structure shit' is then, sorry to say, you are uneducated. If you have ever picked up a book of fiction, you most certainly would know what the structure is. Not caring or taking the time to learn is just laziness on your part.
i have gotten through college, and i am 30 years old, i have a respectable job working as a forsyth county probation/parole offier.
Is it possible to make it through secondary and post-secondary school and not have learned writing structure? As for holding a 'respectable job', many illiterate or poorly educated people can do that.
You can go piss off someone else b-cuz i am not gonna take it, and i hate people who think they know it all
Interesting. At what point did I actually say I knew it all? Oh, and the word is BECAUSE. I'd hate to see any work-related correspondence you write.
and they don't they just think they do and you are one of the worst people who has ever had the pleasure of reviewing my fics.
I'm so proud! And I've seen the other reviews. They appear to be regarding story content, not structure, spelling and grammar. Different issues, are they not?
I don't know what your problem is but don't bring it to my fic reviews,
The problem is writers who don't, or won't, take the time to write properly. And if you keep writing with such poor form, then I won't be the only one calling you on it.
because one of these days your gonna piss someone off and their gonna get even, i'm not that kinda person (lucky for you) because if i were i'd send you a virus.
Oh please. Yes, I'm so scared you're going to do that. Get real.
Also i really despise sarcastic people, yes i can tell in peoples writing if their bieng sarcastic, and i dont like it. I have never gotten any 'bad' reviews, or any of the kind you write until now. you can look at the reviews on my fics and more than likey not see one negative comment. Everyone who reads my fics likes them,
Again, the other reviews of your stories appear to be for content (story) only. No one else has called you on the rest. I'm sure others like your work, and I probably might as well - IF IT WERE READABLE. The most likely reason no one else has given you 'bad' reviews are 1) fear of the author having a melt-down (just like you've done) 2) a number of readers probably gave up reading your work and 3) it wasn't worth the time of the reader to review your work.
Oh, just a little heads up for you. Someone has reviewed your fic 'Silver' and mentioned it is hard to read since it is all one big paragraph. Are you going to have a melt-down on them too?
i don't need criticism, so you can take your comments and stuff them up your ass!!
Comfy fit, thanks!
Also I know about the real world, and some people in this world don't, take yourself for instance. You go around pissing people off, one of those people happens to be me, and i don't take stuff like that lightly.
If you get pissed by someone pointing out errors (sarcastically or not) then it is you with some issues. It appears you do not deal with criticism well. I'm amazed you've made it this far in life. Congratulations.
You try to tell me about the real world, take a look at it yourself, one these days you gonna end up in a gutter with a knife in your back. (no this isn't a threat) might not be from me, but someone's gonna do it....take your own advice, and this: don't get me anymore pissed off, or i will send you that virus.
Oh grow up. You act more like someone who is fifteen, not thirty.
Now fuck off, bitch.
Very mature, just as removing the review is.
Thanks for a great laugh.
FYI half the mm.org members write 'mary sues'
I am quite aware of that, thank you. Adding a new character - Mary Sue or not - was not the issue.
and you know i don't appreciate anyone telling me that im lazy, ignorant, and that i write like an eight-year old.
Actually, there is no way I could know what you do and do not appreciate, is there?
Since you obviously see nothing wrong with the structure of your writing you are, perhaps, more uneducated than ignorant. Though, after reading your entire response, I'd still lean toward ignorant.
Or laughing at me, also FYI i am a good writer and know what i'm doing, i may not use that formatting and structure shit you talk about,
Wrong! If you do not use proper formatting, spelling, language and grammar you are assuredly NOT a 'good writer'. A 'good writer' would take the time to separate each speaker, proof his/her own work and generally ensure the story is readable before submitting it.
for 1 i don't know what it is, 2 i don't care, 3 i am not uneducated,
If you don't know what proper 'formatting and structure shit' is then, sorry to say, you are uneducated. If you have ever picked up a book of fiction, you most certainly would know what the structure is. Not caring or taking the time to learn is just laziness on your part.
i have gotten through college, and i am 30 years old, i have a respectable job working as a forsyth county probation/parole offier.
Is it possible to make it through secondary and post-secondary school and not have learned writing structure? As for holding a 'respectable job', many illiterate or poorly educated people can do that.
You can go piss off someone else b-cuz i am not gonna take it, and i hate people who think they know it all
Interesting. At what point did I actually say I knew it all? Oh, and the word is BECAUSE. I'd hate to see any work-related correspondence you write.
and they don't they just think they do and you are one of the worst people who has ever had the pleasure of reviewing my fics.
I'm so proud! And I've seen the other reviews. They appear to be regarding story content, not structure, spelling and grammar. Different issues, are they not?
I don't know what your problem is but don't bring it to my fic reviews,
The problem is writers who don't, or won't, take the time to write properly. And if you keep writing with such poor form, then I won't be the only one calling you on it.
because one of these days your gonna piss someone off and their gonna get even, i'm not that kinda person (lucky for you) because if i were i'd send you a virus.
Oh please. Yes, I'm so scared you're going to do that. Get real.
Also i really despise sarcastic people, yes i can tell in peoples writing if their bieng sarcastic, and i dont like it. I have never gotten any 'bad' reviews, or any of the kind you write until now. you can look at the reviews on my fics and more than likey not see one negative comment. Everyone who reads my fics likes them,
Again, the other reviews of your stories appear to be for content (story) only. No one else has called you on the rest. I'm sure others like your work, and I probably might as well - IF IT WERE READABLE. The most likely reason no one else has given you 'bad' reviews are 1) fear of the author having a melt-down (just like you've done) 2) a number of readers probably gave up reading your work and 3) it wasn't worth the time of the reader to review your work.
Oh, just a little heads up for you. Someone has reviewed your fic 'Silver' and mentioned it is hard to read since it is all one big paragraph. Are you going to have a melt-down on them too?
i don't need criticism, so you can take your comments and stuff them up your ass!!
Comfy fit, thanks!
Also I know about the real world, and some people in this world don't, take yourself for instance. You go around pissing people off, one of those people happens to be me, and i don't take stuff like that lightly.
If you get pissed by someone pointing out errors (sarcastically or not) then it is you with some issues. It appears you do not deal with criticism well. I'm amazed you've made it this far in life. Congratulations.
You try to tell me about the real world, take a look at it yourself, one these days you gonna end up in a gutter with a knife in your back. (no this isn't a threat) might not be from me, but someone's gonna do it....take your own advice, and this: don't get me anymore pissed off, or i will send you that virus.
Oh grow up. You act more like someone who is fifteen, not thirty.
Now fuck off, bitch.
Very mature, just as removing the review is.
Thanks for a great laugh.
Friday, December 03, 2004
Hit me, please
Title: New world
Author: armei
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2156013/1/
Feedback given:
Spelling, grammar and word usage are important aspect to a story. While a plot, the story, may capture the interest of a reader, it is your words that will hold the reader's attention. You might consider further proofreading or using a beta reader before further posting.
'...Ow my head hurts, I feel like someone hit me over the head with a frying pan. ' This whole sentence has a problem. It would read much better if it were - 'Ow! My head feels like someone hit me with a frying pan.' or 'Ow, my head hurts; it feels like someone hit me with a frying pan.' or 'Ow, it feels like someone hit me over the head with a frying pan.' Can you see the differences?
'...of trees , all...' There shouldn't be a space before the comma.
'...Okay calm down Aremi, old girl we had been in worse situations before....' This sentence needs some work too. There's a tense problem and it is awkward. Try 'Okay, calm down, Aremi. You've been in worse situations before.' or 'Calm down, Aremi, you've been in worse situations before.'
'cellphone' This is two words, not one.
'...when they found out that...' There is a tense problem here. You've been writing in the present, but 'they found out' is past tense. 'Found' should be 'find'.
'...missing, I hope they think...' The comma should be a period.
'...I hope they think I ran away or something because I would never do that. ' It looks like you are missing the word 'not' in this sentence.
'insight' This is two words, not one. Insight is defined in my dictionary as 'the power or act of seeing into a situation' and I don't think that is the word/definition you've meant to use here.
'...soon. Its strange...' Your use of 'Its' is short for 'It is' and should therefore have an apostrophe between the 't' and 's'.
'Its strange this place seems really familiar it kind of reminds me of Lord of the Rings.' A comma is needed between 'strange' and 'this' and either use a period or a semi-colon between 'familiar' and 'it'.
'bestfriends' Two words, not one.
'...I could feel the tears falling down the cheeks,...' Tense problem again.
'...was hear she...' Wrong word used. 'hear' should be 'here'.
'...hug me and tell will be okay...' Looks like you're missing a word between 'tell' and 'will'.
'...am I doing am crying...' The 'am' right before 'crying' should be removed.
Sadly, I could go on for a very long time.
There are a number of resources to help writers. If you don't have a spell check program, go to http://www.spellcheck.net/. It does not check grammar, but that's what using a beta reader is good for. Livejournal has a community for those looking for a beta reader and some public archives (like Media Miner) have forum sections devoted to connecting writers with beta readers.
Take the time to correct your mistakes, stand out from the crowd and don't get lost in the over-abundance of poorly written stories.
Author: armei
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2156013/1/
Feedback given:
Spelling, grammar and word usage are important aspect to a story. While a plot, the story, may capture the interest of a reader, it is your words that will hold the reader's attention. You might consider further proofreading or using a beta reader before further posting.
'...Ow my head hurts, I feel like someone hit me over the head with a frying pan. ' This whole sentence has a problem. It would read much better if it were - 'Ow! My head feels like someone hit me with a frying pan.' or 'Ow, my head hurts; it feels like someone hit me with a frying pan.' or 'Ow, it feels like someone hit me over the head with a frying pan.' Can you see the differences?
'...of trees , all...' There shouldn't be a space before the comma.
'...Okay calm down Aremi, old girl we had been in worse situations before....' This sentence needs some work too. There's a tense problem and it is awkward. Try 'Okay, calm down, Aremi. You've been in worse situations before.' or 'Calm down, Aremi, you've been in worse situations before.'
'cellphone' This is two words, not one.
'...when they found out that...' There is a tense problem here. You've been writing in the present, but 'they found out' is past tense. 'Found' should be 'find'.
'...missing, I hope they think...' The comma should be a period.
'...I hope they think I ran away or something because I would never do that. ' It looks like you are missing the word 'not' in this sentence.
'insight' This is two words, not one. Insight is defined in my dictionary as 'the power or act of seeing into a situation' and I don't think that is the word/definition you've meant to use here.
'...soon. Its strange...' Your use of 'Its' is short for 'It is' and should therefore have an apostrophe between the 't' and 's'.
'Its strange this place seems really familiar it kind of reminds me of Lord of the Rings.' A comma is needed between 'strange' and 'this' and either use a period or a semi-colon between 'familiar' and 'it'.
'bestfriends' Two words, not one.
'...I could feel the tears falling down the cheeks,...' Tense problem again.
'...was hear she...' Wrong word used. 'hear' should be 'here'.
'...hug me and tell will be okay...' Looks like you're missing a word between 'tell' and 'will'.
'...am I doing am crying...' The 'am' right before 'crying' should be removed.
Sadly, I could go on for a very long time.
There are a number of resources to help writers. If you don't have a spell check program, go to http://www.spellcheck.net/. It does not check grammar, but that's what using a beta reader is good for. Livejournal has a community for those looking for a beta reader and some public archives (like Media Miner) have forum sections devoted to connecting writers with beta readers.
Take the time to correct your mistakes, stand out from the crowd and don't get lost in the over-abundance of poorly written stories.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Upset author - oh, boo-hoo
An author takes offence at having her spelling and grammar criticized. Poor thing, makes me want to cry. NOT.
In response to this piece of feedback.
you know what? i didn't need that kinda review, if you don't like my spelling, you can deal with it or don't read my fic, i also don't appreciate the things about the way i write, if you can't read it then copy it to a wordpad document and edit it yourself so you can read it, i like critisisim but not this kind. i can't use a spell check b-cuz i don't have it, and also...ugh you know what i just don't like reviews like that, you can take my advice, get pissed, and be mad at me, personally, i don't care. you can also flame my fics, i won't care in the least.
Well, where to begin...
Posting a piece of work in a public archive makes it subject to public examination and response. That response can be good or bad. If you do not want a 'bad' response (feedback in other words) then make sure your work the best it can possibly be. To not do so is to invite a critical review.
You also need to learn the difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism. The destructive type offers no suggestions on how to improve your work, no suggestion of where you made an error and how, if possible, to correct it. This type of criticism also accomplishes little more than calling you, the writer, names. It is akin to common schoolyard name-calling.
Constructive criticism points out where mistakes are, ways to correct them and suggestions to help a writer avoid a particular error in the future.
The way you write, the formatting and structure, is incorrect. It makes you appear uneducated, lazy and possibly ignorant. Is this seriously the way you wish to be perceived? Most readers will take one look at your work and not bother actually reading it. Do you not want anyone to read it?
Your story is one of many with nothing (apart from the problems previously mentioned) that makes it stand out. Wolf's Rain is over-run with Mary Sue stories (yes, that's what yours is) so why not make yours stand out, get noticed, by not writing like an eight-year-old fan-girl?
As for taking your advice and/or getting pissed... sorry, I'm just going to laugh at you. Criticism, good and bad, is part of the real world. Get used to it, learn and grow from it, or you will have a very rough life as you grow up.
There is an online spell check service located here - http://www.spellcheck.net. It costs nothing to use. Dictionaries (if you don't have one of those either) are also available at your local library. They, too, are free. Media Miner forums routinely have posts from other members willing to provide beta-reading service. Again, this is free but you do have to ask for assistance.
(posted to Mirror Journal, story submitted to Mock the Badficcage! and e-mailed to the author - Enjoy!)
In response to this piece of feedback.
you know what? i didn't need that kinda review, if you don't like my spelling, you can deal with it or don't read my fic, i also don't appreciate the things about the way i write, if you can't read it then copy it to a wordpad document and edit it yourself so you can read it, i like critisisim but not this kind. i can't use a spell check b-cuz i don't have it, and also...ugh you know what i just don't like reviews like that, you can take my advice, get pissed, and be mad at me, personally, i don't care. you can also flame my fics, i won't care in the least.
Well, where to begin...
Posting a piece of work in a public archive makes it subject to public examination and response. That response can be good or bad. If you do not want a 'bad' response (feedback in other words) then make sure your work the best it can possibly be. To not do so is to invite a critical review.
You also need to learn the difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism. The destructive type offers no suggestions on how to improve your work, no suggestion of where you made an error and how, if possible, to correct it. This type of criticism also accomplishes little more than calling you, the writer, names. It is akin to common schoolyard name-calling.
Constructive criticism points out where mistakes are, ways to correct them and suggestions to help a writer avoid a particular error in the future.
The way you write, the formatting and structure, is incorrect. It makes you appear uneducated, lazy and possibly ignorant. Is this seriously the way you wish to be perceived? Most readers will take one look at your work and not bother actually reading it. Do you not want anyone to read it?
Your story is one of many with nothing (apart from the problems previously mentioned) that makes it stand out. Wolf's Rain is over-run with Mary Sue stories (yes, that's what yours is) so why not make yours stand out, get noticed, by not writing like an eight-year-old fan-girl?
As for taking your advice and/or getting pissed... sorry, I'm just going to laugh at you. Criticism, good and bad, is part of the real world. Get used to it, learn and grow from it, or you will have a very rough life as you grow up.
There is an online spell check service located here - http://www.spellcheck.net. It costs nothing to use. Dictionaries (if you don't have one of those either) are also available at your local library. They, too, are free. Media Miner forums routinely have posts from other members willing to provide beta-reading service. Again, this is free but you do have to ask for assistance.
(posted to Mirror Journal, story submitted to Mock the Badficcage! and e-mailed to the author - Enjoy!)
Yet more spelling and punctuation
Title: What are these memories I feel?
Author: kaja1234
Location: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/82196
Feedback given:
A basic rule of written conversation is each speaker receives his or her own line. The way you've smashed together everyone makes my eyes burn. It is very difficult to follow what anyone says, let alone who is speaking.
Your punctuation and spelling need work. Errors of these types distract from a story and, if there are enough of them, will cause readers to quit reading. Most writers would like to prevent that. Also, most writers don't want to appear ignorant and lazy; something else spelling/punctuation errors convey about a writer.
Generally, after someone finishes speaking a comma is used. Exceptions to this are if question or exclamation marks have been used.
'...in reality." he says as...' The period after reality should be a comma.
'...guys, stop." he calls...' After stop, the period should be a comma.
'...Wow..a new...' In this case, the ellipse (I assume that's what you were trying to use) should be a comma.
Proofreading your own work, using a spell-check program and using the services of a beta reader can find basic spelling errors. Did you do any of this?
'...uunconscious...' Can you see the error here?
'...tanktop...' This is two words, not one.
'...reular...' Not sure what word you're trying to use here.
'...thier...' One of the exceptions to the "i before e, except after c" rule.
'...mardi gras like mask...' 'Mardi Gras' should be capitalized and when using something as a descriptor, a hyphen is needed -- 'Mardi Gras-like'.
'...gailey...' Try using the correct spelling of gaily.
'...tounge...' The word is 'tongue'.
While these errors may seem minor, each one jolts a reader out of the world/story you are trying to draw them into. Fixing the errors should come before posting another poorly written chapter.
There are other areas that could be improved. Your title is wordy and some phrasing is awkward. You should seriously consider using a beta reader to assist you fixing your story.
[EDIT] Author response #1
[EDIT] Author response #2
Author: kaja1234
Location: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/82196
Feedback given:
A basic rule of written conversation is each speaker receives his or her own line. The way you've smashed together everyone makes my eyes burn. It is very difficult to follow what anyone says, let alone who is speaking.
Your punctuation and spelling need work. Errors of these types distract from a story and, if there are enough of them, will cause readers to quit reading. Most writers would like to prevent that. Also, most writers don't want to appear ignorant and lazy; something else spelling/punctuation errors convey about a writer.
Generally, after someone finishes speaking a comma is used. Exceptions to this are if question or exclamation marks have been used.
'...in reality." he says as...' The period after reality should be a comma.
'...guys, stop." he calls...' After stop, the period should be a comma.
'...Wow..a new...' In this case, the ellipse (I assume that's what you were trying to use) should be a comma.
Proofreading your own work, using a spell-check program and using the services of a beta reader can find basic spelling errors. Did you do any of this?
'...uunconscious...' Can you see the error here?
'...tanktop...' This is two words, not one.
'...reular...' Not sure what word you're trying to use here.
'...thier...' One of the exceptions to the "i before e, except after c" rule.
'...mardi gras like mask...' 'Mardi Gras' should be capitalized and when using something as a descriptor, a hyphen is needed -- 'Mardi Gras-like'.
'...gailey...' Try using the correct spelling of gaily.
'...tounge...' The word is 'tongue'.
While these errors may seem minor, each one jolts a reader out of the world/story you are trying to draw them into. Fixing the errors should come before posting another poorly written chapter.
There are other areas that could be improved. Your title is wordy and some phrasing is awkward. You should seriously consider using a beta reader to assist you fixing your story.
[EDIT] Author response #1
[EDIT] Author response #2
Vomit writes a fic
Title: newcommers
Author: tomas
Location: http://fiction.gurabiteshiyon.net/story.php?no=641
Feedback given:
What the hell is this supposed to be? Did you wake up and decide to vomit on the keyboard?
Fan fiction implies a fan is writing a story. Do you know what the definition of 'story' is? Have you ever actually seen a written story?
What you have posted is nothing short of absolute crap, and that is being far too kind. Spelling, grammar and punctuation errors, use of 'net' shorthand and improper format all combine to make you appear to be an ignorant, lazy, brain-dead person.
Stop polluting the Internet with your childish crap and go back to grade two.
Author: tomas
Location: http://fiction.gurabiteshiyon.net/story.php?no=641
Feedback given:
What the hell is this supposed to be? Did you wake up and decide to vomit on the keyboard?
Fan fiction implies a fan is writing a story. Do you know what the definition of 'story' is? Have you ever actually seen a written story?
What you have posted is nothing short of absolute crap, and that is being far too kind. Spelling, grammar and punctuation errors, use of 'net' shorthand and improper format all combine to make you appear to be an ignorant, lazy, brain-dead person.
Stop polluting the Internet with your childish crap and go back to grade two.
My eyes, they burn!
Title: The Dark Force Defense League
Author: Wizard Lizard
Location: http://www.fanfictionworld.net/hparchive/viewstory.php?sid=69426
Feedback given:
Contrary to what you might have heard or been told, spelling and punctuation are necessities when writing. Proper word selection/usage is also necessary.
'...and went into a trance' The end of a sentence requires a period.
' " who was...' The start of a sentence, or the start of someone speaking, requires a capital letter. There is also no space between the starting quotation marks and the first word.
'...station!?” uncle Vernon...' Names require capitalization. 'Uncle' is considered part of the name.
'...notice his uncle furious...' There is a missing word between 'his' and 'uncle', can you figure out what word? Also, 'uncle' should be capitalized.
' "are you deaf boy!!!?, ...' Way too much punctuation. Technically, one punctuation mark should be used, but a single exclamation and question mark would be passable. The comma has to go. The capitalization issue also occurs again. '...who was that man?" ' Capitalization again
'...that man?” Vernon said...' When a question mark is used, it implies someone has asked a question. This should read 'Vernon asked' or 'Vernon questioned'.
'...sensed a treat and...' Having a ball of paper thrown at you is a treat? Most likely you mean 'threat'. Notice the how the subtle addition of the letter 'h' changes the meaning of the word?
'...him. “ cant...' Contracted words require an apostrophe. Try using can't (notice the apostrophe?).
'...lot lately.” said...' The period should be a comma.
'..." what know?" Wrong word. Know means to perceive directly, have understanding or direct cognition of. 'Now' is probably the word you meant to use but didn't.
'...apoligize...' Do you mean 'apologize'?
'...dieying...' What word is this supposed to be?
'...borring...' Could you mean 'boring'?
'...lety...' Last time I checked, the word 'let' did not have a 'y' in it.
'...gos...' Maybe you meant 'gosh'?
'...haryy...' First, spelling character names incorrect is inexcusable. Second, proper names must be capitalized.
'...quil...' The word is 'quill'.
'...life savor...' Wrong word usage. The correct word is 'lifesaver'. One word, not two.
'...greatfully...' Gratefully.
'...wonderfull...' Only one 'l' in this word.
'...whiched...' No such word.
'...rooled...' Wow, this is a new one. Tell me how someone can 'rool' her eyes.
'...lieying...' What is this word supposed to be?
'...catolog...' The correct spelling here is 'catalog' or 'catalogue'
'...fire place...' One word, not two.
'...chiminey...' Try 'chimney'.
'...He room hsd s...' What the heck are trying to say here?
'....( A/N: you guys thought I was gonna say that her bathroom smelled like shi... heheh.back to the story)...' Author notes do not, ever, belong in the body of a story. They are annoying and detract from the story.
That's it, I find it impossible to read any more. Your work is riddled with basic grammar and spelling errors and these all affect how the story flows.
Most, it not all, of these errors would be caught by proofreading your own work, using a spell-check program and a beta-reader. Leaving so many mistakes makes you appear lazy and ignorant, and will cause a number of readers to disregard your work.
There are a number of online resources to assist you with learning how to write (and spell), as well as printed material available at your local library. Take the time to ensure your work is the best it can possibly be.
However, if all this – proofreading, beta-reading, learning – seems like too much work, then stop posting. There's enough crap on the 'Net already without you adding to it.
Author: Wizard Lizard
Location: http://www.fanfictionworld.net/hparchive/viewstory.php?sid=69426
Feedback given:
Contrary to what you might have heard or been told, spelling and punctuation are necessities when writing. Proper word selection/usage is also necessary.
'...and went into a trance' The end of a sentence requires a period.
' " who was...' The start of a sentence, or the start of someone speaking, requires a capital letter. There is also no space between the starting quotation marks and the first word.
'...station!?” uncle Vernon...' Names require capitalization. 'Uncle' is considered part of the name.
'...notice his uncle furious...' There is a missing word between 'his' and 'uncle', can you figure out what word? Also, 'uncle' should be capitalized.
' "are you deaf boy!!!?, ...' Way too much punctuation. Technically, one punctuation mark should be used, but a single exclamation and question mark would be passable. The comma has to go. The capitalization issue also occurs again. '...who was that man?" ' Capitalization again
'...that man?” Vernon said...' When a question mark is used, it implies someone has asked a question. This should read 'Vernon asked' or 'Vernon questioned'.
'...sensed a treat and...' Having a ball of paper thrown at you is a treat? Most likely you mean 'threat'. Notice the how the subtle addition of the letter 'h' changes the meaning of the word?
'...him. “ cant...' Contracted words require an apostrophe. Try using can't (notice the apostrophe?).
'...lot lately.” said...' The period should be a comma.
'..." what know?" Wrong word. Know means to perceive directly, have understanding or direct cognition of. 'Now' is probably the word you meant to use but didn't.
'...apoligize...' Do you mean 'apologize'?
'...dieying...' What word is this supposed to be?
'...borring...' Could you mean 'boring'?
'...lety...' Last time I checked, the word 'let' did not have a 'y' in it.
'...gos...' Maybe you meant 'gosh'?
'...haryy...' First, spelling character names incorrect is inexcusable. Second, proper names must be capitalized.
'...quil...' The word is 'quill'.
'...life savor...' Wrong word usage. The correct word is 'lifesaver'. One word, not two.
'...greatfully...' Gratefully.
'...wonderfull...' Only one 'l' in this word.
'...whiched...' No such word.
'...rooled...' Wow, this is a new one. Tell me how someone can 'rool' her eyes.
'...lieying...' What is this word supposed to be?
'...catolog...' The correct spelling here is 'catalog' or 'catalogue'
'...fire place...' One word, not two.
'...chiminey...' Try 'chimney'.
'...He room hsd s...' What the heck are trying to say here?
'....( A/N: you guys thought I was gonna say that her bathroom smelled like shi... heheh.back to the story)...' Author notes do not, ever, belong in the body of a story. They are annoying and detract from the story.
That's it, I find it impossible to read any more. Your work is riddled with basic grammar and spelling errors and these all affect how the story flows.
Most, it not all, of these errors would be caught by proofreading your own work, using a spell-check program and a beta-reader. Leaving so many mistakes makes you appear lazy and ignorant, and will cause a number of readers to disregard your work.
There are a number of online resources to assist you with learning how to write (and spell), as well as printed material available at your local library. Take the time to ensure your work is the best it can possibly be.
However, if all this – proofreading, beta-reading, learning – seems like too much work, then stop posting. There's enough crap on the 'Net already without you adding to it.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
How to fuse eyeballs
Title: Jack Sparrow in Love
Author: ScissorsForHands
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2134567/1/
Feedback given:
Have you learned about punctuation, spelling, grammar, etc. yet? Do you bother to proofread your work before posting it?
In sentence usage, there is a space after a comma.
'...years old,long black...' There should be a space between the comma following old and before long.
There are countless examples of this error in the first chapter.
A space is also required after an exclamation mark, a question mark and a period.
When writing conversation, each person speaking should be on a separate line. Mashing everyone together makes it difficult to figure out who's talking. This is especially true when there's a total lack of spacing after punctuation.
When a character stops speaking, there is supposed to be punctuation after the last word and before the end quotation marks. This punctuation can take the form of a comma, question or exclamation mark.
Spelling is also an important aspect. Frequent spelling errors make you, the writer, appear lazy and ignorant. A dictionary is a helpful tool and so are spell-check programs and beta readers. You require one, or more, of the three.
'tavren' should be tavern
'Carribean' has only one 'r'
'middle aged' is a hyphenated word
'dirrty' has only one 'r'
'messanger' the 'a' should be an 'e'
'determinded' do you mean 'determined'?
'dess' if this word is supposed to be 'dress', you're missing an 'r'
'fullfil' is spelled 'fulfill'
'belive' do you mean 'believe'?
'exlaimed' missing a 'c'
'Captian' try 'Captain'
The spelling errors and the lack of spacing/formatting render your work a chore to read. Please do all your readers a favor and fix these problem areas.
Author: ScissorsForHands
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2134567/1/
Feedback given:
Have you learned about punctuation, spelling, grammar, etc. yet? Do you bother to proofread your work before posting it?
In sentence usage, there is a space after a comma.
'...years old,long black...' There should be a space between the comma following old and before long.
There are countless examples of this error in the first chapter.
A space is also required after an exclamation mark, a question mark and a period.
When writing conversation, each person speaking should be on a separate line. Mashing everyone together makes it difficult to figure out who's talking. This is especially true when there's a total lack of spacing after punctuation.
When a character stops speaking, there is supposed to be punctuation after the last word and before the end quotation marks. This punctuation can take the form of a comma, question or exclamation mark.
Spelling is also an important aspect. Frequent spelling errors make you, the writer, appear lazy and ignorant. A dictionary is a helpful tool and so are spell-check programs and beta readers. You require one, or more, of the three.
'tavren' should be tavern
'Carribean' has only one 'r'
'middle aged' is a hyphenated word
'dirrty' has only one 'r'
'messanger' the 'a' should be an 'e'
'determinded' do you mean 'determined'?
'dess' if this word is supposed to be 'dress', you're missing an 'r'
'fullfil' is spelled 'fulfill'
'belive' do you mean 'believe'?
'exlaimed' missing a 'c'
'Captian' try 'Captain'
The spelling errors and the lack of spacing/formatting render your work a chore to read. Please do all your readers a favor and fix these problem areas.
Another whiner
Title: There's Always Darkness Before Dawn
Author: Aya013
Location http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2139552/3/
Feedback given:
Tantrums, like the one below, cannot be ignored.
Author's note
A/N: Ok, to all you people who flamed me, rather harshly I might add, this character is modeled directly from me, 'cept with a few clothing changes (I could never find baggy clothes in the girls section) she is EXACTLY like me, as in, she lives the way I do; bullies and all. Let me tell you, my scool life is horrible, and all I did was be myself, I have too many bullies as it is, I don't need you people criticizing me and my character. Oh, you didn't need to read this story, either; and who the heck cares if there are a few words miss spelled?! I'll thank you very much (not) for making me feel even more useless over my very first fanfic, don't you dare say that I'm acting like a baby, either, I think I'm handling it pretty good for a girl who's been non-stop bullied for over 3 years with more still to come; and neither me, nor my character are self-centered little witches. By the way, those reasons for being an outcast were just maybes, I don't even know the real reason. Yeah, Elladan and Elrohir are not, as you said the Weasley twins, They haven't even done a prank yet, that isn't my plan for them at all.
To all those that liked it and told me, I thank thee. I think I'll need the support, if a lot of people online are critics. I'll try to update soon to all those that do want to read the rest, and also, if there is anything wrond with it, please be patient, considering I was always a bit nervous about talking to people or putting fanfics online. Thanks!
Happy Holidays, to all non-flamers
Do you know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism?
Like it or not, spelling and grammar DO matter. If you haven't discovered this yet, you will when you apply for a job or anything else that requires proper use of words.
Posting your work to a public forum - and FF.N IS a public forum - means you want people to read it. Which, in turn, means these people will review it. Stories written as personal therapy should be kept private if some stranger leaving a 'bad' comment makes you feel useless. If you cannot tolerate 'bad' reviews, DO NOT POST your work.
No one is perfect, but you should make an effort to ensure your work the best it can be. Either make the effort or be prepared for, as you call them, 'flames'. Just because some reviews made you feel 'useless' and upset you doesn't mean they will stop. Deal with it or stop posting.
Author: Aya013
Location http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2139552/3/
Feedback given:
Tantrums, like the one below, cannot be ignored.
Author's note
A/N: Ok, to all you people who flamed me, rather harshly I might add, this character is modeled directly from me, 'cept with a few clothing changes (I could never find baggy clothes in the girls section) she is EXACTLY like me, as in, she lives the way I do; bullies and all. Let me tell you, my scool life is horrible, and all I did was be myself, I have too many bullies as it is, I don't need you people criticizing me and my character. Oh, you didn't need to read this story, either; and who the heck cares if there are a few words miss spelled?! I'll thank you very much (not) for making me feel even more useless over my very first fanfic, don't you dare say that I'm acting like a baby, either, I think I'm handling it pretty good for a girl who's been non-stop bullied for over 3 years with more still to come; and neither me, nor my character are self-centered little witches. By the way, those reasons for being an outcast were just maybes, I don't even know the real reason. Yeah, Elladan and Elrohir are not, as you said the Weasley twins, They haven't even done a prank yet, that isn't my plan for them at all.
To all those that liked it and told me, I thank thee. I think I'll need the support, if a lot of people online are critics. I'll try to update soon to all those that do want to read the rest, and also, if there is anything wrond with it, please be patient, considering I was always a bit nervous about talking to people or putting fanfics online. Thanks!
Happy Holidays, to all non-flamers
Do you know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism?
Like it or not, spelling and grammar DO matter. If you haven't discovered this yet, you will when you apply for a job or anything else that requires proper use of words.
Posting your work to a public forum - and FF.N IS a public forum - means you want people to read it. Which, in turn, means these people will review it. Stories written as personal therapy should be kept private if some stranger leaving a 'bad' comment makes you feel useless. If you cannot tolerate 'bad' reviews, DO NOT POST your work.
No one is perfect, but you should make an effort to ensure your work the best it can be. Either make the effort or be prepared for, as you call them, 'flames'. Just because some reviews made you feel 'useless' and upset you doesn't mean they will stop. Deal with it or stop posting.
