Monday, November 29, 2004
No need for spelling
Title: Child of Balance
Author: NightShadow135
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2124938/1/
Feedback given:
I'm going to assume that English is not your first language. If it is, please stop posting and return to grade school.
Spelling, punctuation and grammar may appear bothersome, even insignificant, when you are writing, but before posting your creation for all to see you'd best make sure you're work is clear (or as clear as possible) of errors. You have not done that and it shows.
A spell-check program will pick up a number of spelling errors, some programs will even grammar check at the same time. If you don't use a spell/grammar-check program, get one. At the very least, find and use a dictionary.
Using a beta-reader is highly recommended. This is someone who will read through your writing, pointing out spelling/grammar issues, potential plot problems, etc.
Some of the errors I found -
'...in privite without...' The word is private.
'... candidate was choosen.' A candidate can be chosen or someone can choose a candidate. There's no such word as choosen.
'... of WitchCraft and Wizardary...' No capital C in Witchcraft and the spelling is Wizardry.
'...oh thats correct...' A comma is needed between 'oh' and 'thats'. An apostrophe is needed between the 't' and 's' in that's. And the phrasing is a little off. It would sound better, and be more realistic if 'correct' was 'right'.
'... that thelist of forbidden...' A space is needed between 'the' and 'list'.
'... a pleasent evening...' Correct spelling is 'pleasant'.
'... the momnet ...' This looks like a simple mistype, but a spell-checking program would pick this up right away. The word is 'moment'.
'... and aknowledging that...' Close, but the word is spelled 'acknowledging'.
'...its tim for...' Missing the apostrophe (can you see where?) and could you mean 'time'?
'... well keeep calling...' Keep has two e's, not three.
As well as the errors I've pointed out, there are numerous others.
I see I'm not the only reviewer to suggest a beta-reader to you. This should tell you something and hopefully you will listen. Continuing to post your work with so many errors makes you appear ignorant and lazy. Is this how you'd like to be seen? If you cannot care about the quality of your work, why should anyone care about reading your work?
Author: NightShadow135
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2124938/1/
Feedback given:
I'm going to assume that English is not your first language. If it is, please stop posting and return to grade school.
Spelling, punctuation and grammar may appear bothersome, even insignificant, when you are writing, but before posting your creation for all to see you'd best make sure you're work is clear (or as clear as possible) of errors. You have not done that and it shows.
A spell-check program will pick up a number of spelling errors, some programs will even grammar check at the same time. If you don't use a spell/grammar-check program, get one. At the very least, find and use a dictionary.
Using a beta-reader is highly recommended. This is someone who will read through your writing, pointing out spelling/grammar issues, potential plot problems, etc.
Some of the errors I found -
'...in privite without...' The word is private.
'... candidate was choosen.' A candidate can be chosen or someone can choose a candidate. There's no such word as choosen.
'... of WitchCraft and Wizardary...' No capital C in Witchcraft and the spelling is Wizardry.
'...oh thats correct...' A comma is needed between 'oh' and 'thats'. An apostrophe is needed between the 't' and 's' in that's. And the phrasing is a little off. It would sound better, and be more realistic if 'correct' was 'right'.
'... that thelist of forbidden...' A space is needed between 'the' and 'list'.
'... a pleasent evening...' Correct spelling is 'pleasant'.
'... the momnet ...' This looks like a simple mistype, but a spell-checking program would pick this up right away. The word is 'moment'.
'... and aknowledging that...' Close, but the word is spelled 'acknowledging'.
'...its tim for...' Missing the apostrophe (can you see where?) and could you mean 'time'?
'... well keeep calling...' Keep has two e's, not three.
As well as the errors I've pointed out, there are numerous others.
I see I'm not the only reviewer to suggest a beta-reader to you. This should tell you something and hopefully you will listen. Continuing to post your work with so many errors makes you appear ignorant and lazy. Is this how you'd like to be seen? If you cannot care about the quality of your work, why should anyone care about reading your work?
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Redefining the meaning of fiction
Title: Pheonix Rising Bio's
Author: The Raine Keeper
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2142499/1/
Feedback given:
Is there a story here, or did I miss it?
Fan fiction implies you are writing a story. Nine 'chapters' of character descriptions is NOT a story. As well, I'm pretty sure you've violated FF.N's TOS. Checking and reporting will begin momentarily.
Let's look at your spelling, shall we?
Spelling errors in a summary are not a way to entice readers. The word is bio's, not bios. Notice the apostrophe. Contractions also use apostrophes. ' I'm ' is a contraction for I am. Note the fact that the ' i ' is capitalized and there is an apostrophe between the ' I ' and the ' m '.
'...the backround on... The word is 'background'.
'...and formont, the ... Could you mean 'foremost'?
'...never dulicated...' Couldn't find 'dulicated' in any dictionary. Try 'duplicated'.
Author: The Raine Keeper
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2142499/1/
Feedback given:
Is there a story here, or did I miss it?
Fan fiction implies you are writing a story. Nine 'chapters' of character descriptions is NOT a story. As well, I'm pretty sure you've violated FF.N's TOS. Checking and reporting will begin momentarily.
Let's look at your spelling, shall we?
Spelling errors in a summary are not a way to entice readers. The word is bio's, not bios. Notice the apostrophe. Contractions also use apostrophes. ' I'm ' is a contraction for I am. Note the fact that the ' i ' is capitalized and there is an apostrophe between the ' I ' and the ' m '.
'...the backround on... The word is 'background'.
'...and formont, the ... Could you mean 'foremost'?
'...never dulicated...' Couldn't find 'dulicated' in any dictionary. Try 'duplicated'.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
An apostrophe a day keeps the bitch away
Title: What the Freak?!?!?!?!
Author: CYOA Athrunxyou luver
Location: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/81620
Feedback given:
First, what is with the random underlining? It's annoying and does nothing for your story.
Secondly, have you heard of an apostrophe? The contracted form for 'I am' is I'm, not Im. The contracted form of 'they are' is they're, not theyre. Are you getting the picture here?
Quotation marks are a great way to indicate speech. Perhaps you should consider using them. Unless, of course, that key is broken on keyboard. That could be the only plausible excuse for your total lack of quotation marks.
Commas are useful, too. Have you heard of them before?
At least you've heard of a period. Thank goodness for something.
Spelling and punctuation are just as important to a story than the tale itself. Poor punctuation tends to make you look like a lazy, uneducated idiot.
Frankly, if this an example of your work, please stop posting. At least until you can proofread your own work better or obtain the services of a beta-reader.
Author: CYOA Athrunxyou luver
Location: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/81620
Feedback given:
First, what is with the random underlining? It's annoying and does nothing for your story.
Secondly, have you heard of an apostrophe? The contracted form for 'I am' is I'm, not Im. The contracted form of 'they are' is they're, not theyre. Are you getting the picture here?
Quotation marks are a great way to indicate speech. Perhaps you should consider using them. Unless, of course, that key is broken on keyboard. That could be the only plausible excuse for your total lack of quotation marks.
Commas are useful, too. Have you heard of them before?
At least you've heard of a period. Thank goodness for something.
Spelling and punctuation are just as important to a story than the tale itself. Poor punctuation tends to make you look like a lazy, uneducated idiot.
Frankly, if this an example of your work, please stop posting. At least until you can proofread your own work better or obtain the services of a beta-reader.
Nospacesneeded
Title: Most Unexpected turn of events
Author: camoflage
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2130351/1/
Feedback given:
(note: FF.N is in read-only mode until 11/23 or 24. This feedback will be formally given when FF.N is operational again.)
Do you proofread your writing before posting? Have you learned punctuation and how to use it?
Starting at the top…
'...facade.No...' After a period there should be at least one space (two if you're from the old school of writing) before the next sentence begins.
'...School Of Withchcraft and...' The word you are looking for is Witchcraft.
'...(a/n: for lack of better term, hehe)...' Author notes/interjections belong at the beginning or end of a story, not in the body. This is poor form and detracts greatly from the story you are trying to tell.
'...drunk everynight a...' It is 'every' 'night'; two words, not one.
'...had dissapeared,...' Try 'disappeared'. Proofreading or, at a minimum, running a spell-check program would have caught this one.
'...worst(or best...' A space is required between the word perfect and the starting parenthesis.
'...to diffrent from...' The word is 'different'. Note the letter e between the letters f and r.
'...perfect(or almost...' A space is required between the word perfect and the starting parenthesis.
'...the marrige, and...' No such word as 'marrige'. Grab your dictionary and look it up, or try the proper spelling - marriage.
'...than orriganaly. Her...' Could you possibly mean 'originally'?
'...would occasionaly join...' The word is spelled 'occasionally'.
'...her usuall bitchy...' There is just one 'l' in 'usual'.
'...bring Cammy(her...' Space needed between 'Cammy' and the starting parenthesis.
'...to the the prophecy...' Double word usage not required.
'...YEAR(6th..' Space issue again.
'...moment.The...' Space issue again.
'...saying,the...' Space issue again.
'...cope.In...' Space issue again.
'...means, Ms.Granger., but...' A space is needed between 'Ms.' and 'Granger' and no period is needed after 'Granger'.
Chapter two has spacing errors far too numerous to mention.
'...tantop(which...' Firstly, the word is 'tank' 'top', two words. Secondly, a space is required - can you guess where?
'...was screming, her...' Maybe 'screaming' is the word you are looking for?
'...non existent.she...' The word is non-existent. Note the hyphen. After a period you should have a space and the start of the next word should be capitalized.
'...was diffrent about...' The word is 'different'. Note the letter e between the letters f and r.
'...almost obvlious, but...' What word are you trying to use here?
'...for you" At...' A period is required between 'you' and the ending quotation marks.
'...always remeber this...' The word is 'remember'.
'...avoid steppeing on...' Can you find the misspelling?
'...was beautifull, she looked so farmiliar...' The words are 'beautiful' and 'familiar'.
'...about muggles, and...' In the sentence above, Muggle was capitalized. Why didn't you do the same here?
'...tonight untill I...' One 'l' in until.
' "Malfoy, daddy...' Daddy is a proper name and should be capitalized.
There are still more mistakes that stand out like sore thumbs.
You're also skipping between tenses a fair bit. Pick one tense and stick with it.
There are also numerous instances of missing commas and a few of your sentences could be classed as run-on.
It would be in your best interest to use a beta-reader or proofread your work more thoroughly before posting
Demanding reviews before posting more is childish. People will review if they want to, not because a writer demands it. If you'll only write to get reviews, stop writing.
Author: camoflage
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2130351/1/
Feedback given:
(note: FF.N is in read-only mode until 11/23 or 24. This feedback will be formally given when FF.N is operational again.)
Do you proofread your writing before posting? Have you learned punctuation and how to use it?
Starting at the top…
'...facade.No...' After a period there should be at least one space (two if you're from the old school of writing) before the next sentence begins.
'...School Of Withchcraft and...' The word you are looking for is Witchcraft.
'...(a/n: for lack of better term, hehe)...' Author notes/interjections belong at the beginning or end of a story, not in the body. This is poor form and detracts greatly from the story you are trying to tell.
'...drunk everynight a...' It is 'every' 'night'; two words, not one.
'...had dissapeared,...' Try 'disappeared'. Proofreading or, at a minimum, running a spell-check program would have caught this one.
'...worst(or best...' A space is required between the word perfect and the starting parenthesis.
'...to diffrent from...' The word is 'different'. Note the letter e between the letters f and r.
'...perfect(or almost...' A space is required between the word perfect and the starting parenthesis.
'...the marrige, and...' No such word as 'marrige'. Grab your dictionary and look it up, or try the proper spelling - marriage.
'...than orriganaly. Her...' Could you possibly mean 'originally'?
'...would occasionaly join...' The word is spelled 'occasionally'.
'...her usuall bitchy...' There is just one 'l' in 'usual'.
'...bring Cammy(her...' Space needed between 'Cammy' and the starting parenthesis.
'...to the the prophecy...' Double word usage not required.
'...YEAR(6th..' Space issue again.
'...moment.The...' Space issue again.
'...saying,the...' Space issue again.
'...cope.In...' Space issue again.
'...means, Ms.Granger., but...' A space is needed between 'Ms.' and 'Granger' and no period is needed after 'Granger'.
Chapter two has spacing errors far too numerous to mention.
'...tantop(which...' Firstly, the word is 'tank' 'top', two words. Secondly, a space is required - can you guess where?
'...was screming, her...' Maybe 'screaming' is the word you are looking for?
'...non existent.she...' The word is non-existent. Note the hyphen. After a period you should have a space and the start of the next word should be capitalized.
'...was diffrent about...' The word is 'different'. Note the letter e between the letters f and r.
'...almost obvlious, but...' What word are you trying to use here?
'...for you" At...' A period is required between 'you' and the ending quotation marks.
'...always remeber this...' The word is 'remember'.
'...avoid steppeing on...' Can you find the misspelling?
'...was beautifull, she looked so farmiliar...' The words are 'beautiful' and 'familiar'.
'...about muggles, and...' In the sentence above, Muggle was capitalized. Why didn't you do the same here?
'...tonight untill I...' One 'l' in until.
' "Malfoy, daddy...' Daddy is a proper name and should be capitalized.
There are still more mistakes that stand out like sore thumbs.
You're also skipping between tenses a fair bit. Pick one tense and stick with it.
There are also numerous instances of missing commas and a few of your sentences could be classed as run-on.
It would be in your best interest to use a beta-reader or proofread your work more thoroughly before posting
Demanding reviews before posting more is childish. People will review if they want to, not because a writer demands it. If you'll only write to get reviews, stop writing.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
We don't need no stinkin' punctuation
Title: Wind, Earth, Fire
Author: Britomartis
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2139743/1/
Feedback given:
Punctuation would be a good thing to learn.
Chapter 1
'.. gazed around for miles on end..' The one sentence should actually be two. A period is needed after 'around'.
'…of picked up…' It should be picking, not picked.
' "Selene ready..' A comma is needed after 'Selene'.
'…to leave, once we…' A period, not a comma, is needed after 'leave'.
'…whined sorrowful…' That should be 'sorrowfully'.
' “I know my darling don’t fret we are leaving in a moment" ' First, a comma is needed after 'darling'. Next, a period is needed after 'fret'. Lastly, a period is needed after 'moment'.
' she was defiantly curvy…' Wrong word used. 'Defiantly' is an adverb (look that up if you don't know what it is) meaning "in a rebellious manner". The word you are looking for in this case is 'definitely'.
' Teresa suddenly business like again called. ' Comma needed after 'Teresa', hyphen needed between 'business' and 'like', comma needed after 'again' and the period after 'called' should a comma.
Chapter 2
' “Halt the horses we will stop and make camp for the night” ' Between 'horses' and 'we' a semi-colon would be a good idea. Or a period can be used. And a period is definitely required after 'night'.
'…sleeply ' The word is 'sleepily' and a period is required after the word.
' “I don’t have a clue visions don’t come with step by steps you know” ' After 'clue' use a period. Hyphens needed between 'step' and 'by' and again between 'by' and steps'. A period is needed after 'know'.
'…to stoll in the…' There is no such word as 'stoll'. Did you mean 'stroll'?
There are so many grammatical and punctuation errors I could fill another two pages.
No matter how interesting the plot and/or characters, few readers will read much of your work if it is too riddled with errors.
You would benefit from using a beta-reader. This is a person (friend, acquaintance, stranger) who will proofread your work before you post it. There are also a number of online resources for spelling, grammar and punctuation. It would be in your best interest to find some.
Author: Britomartis
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2139743/1/
Feedback given:
Punctuation would be a good thing to learn.
Chapter 1
'.. gazed around for miles on end..' The one sentence should actually be two. A period is needed after 'around'.
'…of picked up…' It should be picking, not picked.
' "Selene ready..' A comma is needed after 'Selene'.
'…to leave, once we…' A period, not a comma, is needed after 'leave'.
'…whined sorrowful…' That should be 'sorrowfully'.
' “I know my darling don’t fret we are leaving in a moment" ' First, a comma is needed after 'darling'. Next, a period is needed after 'fret'. Lastly, a period is needed after 'moment'.
' she was defiantly curvy…' Wrong word used. 'Defiantly' is an adverb (look that up if you don't know what it is) meaning "in a rebellious manner". The word you are looking for in this case is 'definitely'.
' Teresa suddenly business like again called. ' Comma needed after 'Teresa', hyphen needed between 'business' and 'like', comma needed after 'again' and the period after 'called' should a comma.
Chapter 2
' “Halt the horses we will stop and make camp for the night” ' Between 'horses' and 'we' a semi-colon would be a good idea. Or a period can be used. And a period is definitely required after 'night'.
'…sleeply ' The word is 'sleepily' and a period is required after the word.
' “I don’t have a clue visions don’t come with step by steps you know” ' After 'clue' use a period. Hyphens needed between 'step' and 'by' and again between 'by' and steps'. A period is needed after 'know'.
'…to stoll in the…' There is no such word as 'stoll'. Did you mean 'stroll'?
There are so many grammatical and punctuation errors I could fill another two pages.
No matter how interesting the plot and/or characters, few readers will read much of your work if it is too riddled with errors.
You would benefit from using a beta-reader. This is a person (friend, acquaintance, stranger) who will proofread your work before you post it. There are also a number of online resources for spelling, grammar and punctuation. It would be in your best interest to find some.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Know when not to post
Title: Reality Isn't What It Seems
Author: darkdragon91
Location: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/80895
Feedback given:
Oh my. Where to even begin with reviewing this...
Spelling, grammar and punctuation all need work, lots of work. What you've posted is atrocious.
Starting at the top:
'...HELL?!" said Ayame...' Given the type of punctuation used (?!), the character did more than just say the words.
Put some emotion into it! Try 'yelled Ayame in astonishment'.
'...lady Une...' Proper names require capitalization. It should be Lady Une.
'...did u know..' Using 'Net-shorthand is lazy and sloppy. Spell out the word or don't use the word, even if the word
is only three letters long.
'...not you, i am...' Missing capitalization here. Can you find it?
'...who i think...' Missing capitalization again.
'... Anyways...' No such word. It is Any way.
' "if they are...' The word 'if' should begin with a capital.
'...THE PINK IT...' There should be a comma after pink.
'... eye's...' An apostrophe is not required.
' Ayame fake faints...' This should be 'fake-faints' or, even better, 'fakes a faint'.
'...black pj Bottoms ...' It would be best to spell out the word pajama instead of using the shortened form. And there is no need to capitalize bottoms.
Using online conversations can be useful at times, but the usage here is a waste of space. Nothing is learned, no insight into the characters gleaned.
There should be two spaces after a period, one after a question mark or an exclamation mark.
Author notes belong at the beginning or end of a story, not in the body. This is annoying and detracts greatly from any story.
If this is an example of your work, then please do the general reading public a favor and stop posting. This is the type of story that should be passed between friends only and kept off public archives.
Author: darkdragon91
Location: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/80895
Feedback given:
Oh my. Where to even begin with reviewing this...
Spelling, grammar and punctuation all need work, lots of work. What you've posted is atrocious.
Starting at the top:
'...HELL?!" said Ayame...' Given the type of punctuation used (?!), the character did more than just say the words.
Put some emotion into it! Try 'yelled Ayame in astonishment'.
'...lady Une...' Proper names require capitalization. It should be Lady Une.
'...did u know..' Using 'Net-shorthand is lazy and sloppy. Spell out the word or don't use the word, even if the word
is only three letters long.
'...not you, i am...' Missing capitalization here. Can you find it?
'...who i think...' Missing capitalization again.
'... Anyways...' No such word. It is Any way.
' "if they are...' The word 'if' should begin with a capital.
'...THE PINK IT...' There should be a comma after pink.
'... eye's...' An apostrophe is not required.
' Ayame fake faints...' This should be 'fake-faints' or, even better, 'fakes a faint'.
'...black pj Bottoms ...' It would be best to spell out the word pajama instead of using the shortened form. And there is no need to capitalize bottoms.
Using online conversations can be useful at times, but the usage here is a waste of space. Nothing is learned, no insight into the characters gleaned.
There should be two spaces after a period, one after a question mark or an exclamation mark.
Author notes belong at the beginning or end of a story, not in the body. This is annoying and detracts greatly from any story.
If this is an example of your work, then please do the general reading public a favor and stop posting. This is the type of story that should be passed between friends only and kept off public archives.
Author response
Author response to feedback given here - http://hellsbitch.blogspot.com/2004/11/criticism-is-not-bad-thing.html
Thanks for your help.
I know about criitcisim, constructive and deconstructuive. I am sorry if I sounded like a whiney person. I will make a promis to you, however. I will take what you had to say to heart, all I ask in return is that you continue to read what I put up. I will proof-read more and try to get a beta as said... *although I have a rough idea of what that is...*
Anyway, thanks again and please forgive me, that particuar day was rotten. And I know I shouldn't take my feelings out on my writting, but I did.
Contact me if you want and if you have anymore helpfull sites please don't hesitate to tell me!
Sincerrily,
--Midnight--
A new author who is willing to listen and not throw a hissy-fit. There's hope for this gal.
Thanks for your help.
I know about criitcisim, constructive and deconstructuive. I am sorry if I sounded like a whiney person. I will make a promis to you, however. I will take what you had to say to heart, all I ask in return is that you continue to read what I put up. I will proof-read more and try to get a beta as said... *although I have a rough idea of what that is...*
Anyway, thanks again and please forgive me, that particuar day was rotten. And I know I shouldn't take my feelings out on my writting, but I did.
Contact me if you want and if you have anymore helpfull sites please don't hesitate to tell me!
Sincerrily,
--Midnight--
A new author who is willing to listen and not throw a hissy-fit. There's hope for this gal.
Punctuation is optional
Title: Time and time again
Author: Owarinoame
Location: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_rw.php/73000
Feedback given:
For the moment, I’ll ignore the use of random, fan-girly Japanese and the self-insert issue.
Your spelling and punctuation need work. Did you proofread your own work before posting? Did you run it through a spell-checker? How about using the services of a beta-reader?
'…thought I told u not…' The use of Net-shorthand is not acceptable. This is the act of someone sloppy and lazy.
'…else! Its a good …' The word is It's. Notice the apostrophe? This indicates the shortened form of It is.
'curicit' Should be circuit. You spelled it correctly in the next sentence.
'...breaker", sighed ...' The comma should be inside the quotation marks.
'...stupid" said Leslie...' There should be a comma between stupid and the closing quotation marks.
' OU!! ' I'm not sure what word you're trying to use here. It doesn't even look like fan-girl-mangled Japanese.
'...dude!" yowled Ariel as Leslie...' There should be a comma between 'Ariel' and 'as'.
' "Oh…sorry.. I uh didn't see you there" ' A period is needed after 'sorry', commas before and after 'uh' and a period after there.
'...going Duo" said ...' A comma is needed before and after Duo.
'..."Its not", Leslie...' Missing the apostrophe in It's and the comma goes on the inside of the quotation marks.
' "Hey, Are your...' You got the comma right here, but 'are' should not be capitalized.
'...was my foot" said...' A comma is needed after 'foot' and before the closing quotation marks.
' "Baka", said...' The comma is on the wrong side of the quotation marks.
' "Common dude lets find a light" whispered Ariel as she slowly got up and felt to where Leslie was. ' First, the words you're looking for are Come on. Two separate words, not one. See this link - http://www.thefreedictionary.com/common - for the definition of common. Second, there should be commas before and after 'dude' and another comma after 'light' and before the ending quotation mark. Third, the word 'lets' requires an apostrophe as it is a contraction. Fourth, another comma is needed after 'Ariel' and before 'as'. There's also a problem with the way this sentence reads.
'...those voices"? Whispered..' The question mark belongs on the other side of the quotation marks and the word whispered should not be capitalized.
Given the errors in the first chapter alone, I am not about to read further until this story has undergone some serious proofing and correction.
These are simple mistakes, easily corrected by proofreading your work before you post it. Using a beta-reader is always a good idea since she/he could probably have caught most of your errors. That is unless you really don't care about the quality of your work or whether or not anyone returns to read it. If that is the case, do the reading public a favor and don't post any more 'creations'.
Author: Owarinoame
Location: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_rw.php/73000
Feedback given:
For the moment, I’ll ignore the use of random, fan-girly Japanese and the self-insert issue.
Your spelling and punctuation need work. Did you proofread your own work before posting? Did you run it through a spell-checker? How about using the services of a beta-reader?
'…thought I told u not…' The use of Net-shorthand is not acceptable. This is the act of someone sloppy and lazy.
'…else! Its a good …' The word is It's. Notice the apostrophe? This indicates the shortened form of It is.
'curicit' Should be circuit. You spelled it correctly in the next sentence.
'...breaker", sighed ...' The comma should be inside the quotation marks.
'...stupid" said Leslie...' There should be a comma between stupid and the closing quotation marks.
' OU!! ' I'm not sure what word you're trying to use here. It doesn't even look like fan-girl-mangled Japanese.
'...dude!" yowled Ariel as Leslie...' There should be a comma between 'Ariel' and 'as'.
' "Oh…sorry.. I uh didn't see you there" ' A period is needed after 'sorry', commas before and after 'uh' and a period after there.
'...going Duo" said ...' A comma is needed before and after Duo.
'..."Its not", Leslie...' Missing the apostrophe in It's and the comma goes on the inside of the quotation marks.
' "Hey, Are your...' You got the comma right here, but 'are' should not be capitalized.
'...was my foot" said...' A comma is needed after 'foot' and before the closing quotation marks.
' "Baka", said...' The comma is on the wrong side of the quotation marks.
' "Common dude lets find a light" whispered Ariel as she slowly got up and felt to where Leslie was. ' First, the words you're looking for are Come on. Two separate words, not one. See this link - http://www.thefreedictionary.com/common - for the definition of common. Second, there should be commas before and after 'dude' and another comma after 'light' and before the ending quotation mark. Third, the word 'lets' requires an apostrophe as it is a contraction. Fourth, another comma is needed after 'Ariel' and before 'as'. There's also a problem with the way this sentence reads.
'...those voices"? Whispered..' The question mark belongs on the other side of the quotation marks and the word whispered should not be capitalized.
Given the errors in the first chapter alone, I am not about to read further until this story has undergone some serious proofing and correction.
These are simple mistakes, easily corrected by proofreading your work before you post it. Using a beta-reader is always a good idea since she/he could probably have caught most of your errors. That is unless you really don't care about the quality of your work or whether or not anyone returns to read it. If that is the case, do the reading public a favor and don't post any more 'creations'.
Criticism is not a bad thing
Further feedback to the work reviewed in this post - http://hellsbitch.blogspot.com/2004/11/if-summary-is-bad_14.html
Title: Spirited
Author: Midnight
Location: http://fiction.gurabiteshiyon.net/story.php?no=618
Feedback given (privately):
Whether it is your first fan fiction or your fiftieth, spelling and grammar matter. It is encouraging to hear that you do proof your work but, like all writers, you will miss some of your mistakes.
Posting a piece of writing in a public forum (such as Gurabiteshiyon) makes it subject to public examination and/or response. That response can be good, bad or indifferent.
Pointing out spelling/grammar errors is not being mean or 'flaming' your creative work. Do you want to be thought of as just another stupid fan-girl/boy polluting the fan fiction world? Would you not like readers to ask for more of your work? Anyone can write a story, but few do it well and even fewer are asked to write more.
A good story captures a reader, draws them into the tale being told. Spelling/grammar errors tend to jolt a reader out of the story-world your words are creating. Give a reader enough jolts and you've lost said reader. Is this what you are aiming for?
You need to learn the difference between destructive and constructive criticism. The destructive type is meant to hurt and offers you, the writer, no suggestion of where you made an error or how to correct the error. In short, destructive criticism is simply common school-yard name-calling. This type would also be considered a 'flame' since the sole intent is to hurt.
Constructive criticism should offer the author, you in this case, pointers on where you've made an error and how to correct the error. This type of criticism is not made with a 'mean' intent and its goal is not to hurt your feelings or call you or your work 'bad'.
Criticism, both types, is a part of the real world. Learn how to accept it and grow from it.
Professional writers have editors, people who comb through a writers' work looking for spelling, grammar and plot errors. As an amateur writer you can make use of a beta-reader (an amateur editor). There are at least three fan fiction authors I know of who use not one, but three different beta-readers before posting their work. What one beta-reader misses (no one is perfect, not you or your beta-reader) another may well catch.
It matters not how many times you rewrote the first chapter. What does matter is that it reads and flows much better than the first time. There are still one or two errors (tires or tyres, not tiers) but overall the first chapter is a definite improvement. THAT is what matters most!
Chapter 2 contains a couple errors. They are -
1) '... pink haired baka.' it should be 'pink-haired'. . See http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_hyphen.html for a good guide to using hyphens.
2) 'well known' should be hyphenated
3) '... of ten was occupied...' missing the word 'it' between ten and was.
4) '... peace and quite...' the quite should be quiet.
5) '... were strode about the ...' strode should be strewn.
6) '... for ny sign... ' ny should be any.
7) '... to contain from letting his eyes warm up...' not sure what you're trying to say here, but it makes no sense as you've written it.
8) '... deciding that the were all...' the should be they.
9) ' A *very* car indeed.' A very what car? Very familiar?
10) '... strawberry haired...' this should be hyphenated.
There are a couple more instances of missing hyphens. I'm sure you can find them. There are also a couple sentences that don't flow well.
Chapter 3 also contains missing hyphens and some spelling errors.
1) '... knock was herd and...' a herd is a group (as in a herd of cows). The word you're looking for here is heard.
2) '... to be helped to breath was...' breath should be breathe.
3) '... told, planing...' should be planning.
4) '... extended his and to...' and should be hand.
In chapter 4, these were the most obvious errors -
1) '... the matters, face...' matters should be mattress.
2) '... the vocalist hopped for...' the word is hoped.
There is also a couple missing hyphens.
Overall, this is a cute story. You do need to spend more time proofing your work and using a beta-reader before posting. Most of the errors I pointed out (and those I didn't have the heart to) would have been easily caught and corrected before you posted.
There are a few awkward sentences and questionable descriptor words used when a simpler word would have been just as effective. These are further reasons to use a beta-reader.
There is a decent list of beta-readers at http://www.darkhuntress.com/aef/betas.html and most Livejournal-type places will have a beta-reader community of some sort. Using a beta-reader can only improve your work.
I have sent this review to you privately in the hope you will learn from your mistakes and understand what constructive criticism is and how it works. You are free, of course, to disregard everything, cry and whine about how you were flamed, and continue to post sub-standard work. The choice is yours.
Title: Spirited
Author: Midnight
Location: http://fiction.gurabiteshiyon.net/story.php?no=618
Feedback given (privately):
Whether it is your first fan fiction or your fiftieth, spelling and grammar matter. It is encouraging to hear that you do proof your work but, like all writers, you will miss some of your mistakes.
Posting a piece of writing in a public forum (such as Gurabiteshiyon) makes it subject to public examination and/or response. That response can be good, bad or indifferent.
Pointing out spelling/grammar errors is not being mean or 'flaming' your creative work. Do you want to be thought of as just another stupid fan-girl/boy polluting the fan fiction world? Would you not like readers to ask for more of your work? Anyone can write a story, but few do it well and even fewer are asked to write more.
A good story captures a reader, draws them into the tale being told. Spelling/grammar errors tend to jolt a reader out of the story-world your words are creating. Give a reader enough jolts and you've lost said reader. Is this what you are aiming for?
You need to learn the difference between destructive and constructive criticism. The destructive type is meant to hurt and offers you, the writer, no suggestion of where you made an error or how to correct the error. In short, destructive criticism is simply common school-yard name-calling. This type would also be considered a 'flame' since the sole intent is to hurt.
Constructive criticism should offer the author, you in this case, pointers on where you've made an error and how to correct the error. This type of criticism is not made with a 'mean' intent and its goal is not to hurt your feelings or call you or your work 'bad'.
Criticism, both types, is a part of the real world. Learn how to accept it and grow from it.
Professional writers have editors, people who comb through a writers' work looking for spelling, grammar and plot errors. As an amateur writer you can make use of a beta-reader (an amateur editor). There are at least three fan fiction authors I know of who use not one, but three different beta-readers before posting their work. What one beta-reader misses (no one is perfect, not you or your beta-reader) another may well catch.
It matters not how many times you rewrote the first chapter. What does matter is that it reads and flows much better than the first time. There are still one or two errors (tires or tyres, not tiers) but overall the first chapter is a definite improvement. THAT is what matters most!
Chapter 2 contains a couple errors. They are -
1) '... pink haired baka.' it should be 'pink-haired'. . See http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_hyphen.html for a good guide to using hyphens.
2) 'well known' should be hyphenated
3) '... of ten was occupied...' missing the word 'it' between ten and was.
4) '... peace and quite...' the quite should be quiet.
5) '... were strode about the ...' strode should be strewn.
6) '... for ny sign... ' ny should be any.
7) '... to contain from letting his eyes warm up...' not sure what you're trying to say here, but it makes no sense as you've written it.
8) '... deciding that the were all...' the should be they.
9) ' A *very* car indeed.' A very what car? Very familiar?
10) '... strawberry haired...' this should be hyphenated.
There are a couple more instances of missing hyphens. I'm sure you can find them. There are also a couple sentences that don't flow well.
Chapter 3 also contains missing hyphens and some spelling errors.
1) '... knock was herd and...' a herd is a group (as in a herd of cows). The word you're looking for here is heard.
2) '... to be helped to breath was...' breath should be breathe.
3) '... told, planing...' should be planning.
4) '... extended his and to...' and should be hand.
In chapter 4, these were the most obvious errors -
1) '... the matters, face...' matters should be mattress.
2) '... the vocalist hopped for...' the word is hoped.
There is also a couple missing hyphens.
Overall, this is a cute story. You do need to spend more time proofing your work and using a beta-reader before posting. Most of the errors I pointed out (and those I didn't have the heart to) would have been easily caught and corrected before you posted.
There are a few awkward sentences and questionable descriptor words used when a simpler word would have been just as effective. These are further reasons to use a beta-reader.
There is a decent list of beta-readers at http://www.darkhuntress.com/aef/betas.html and most Livejournal-type places will have a beta-reader community of some sort. Using a beta-reader can only improve your work.
I have sent this review to you privately in the hope you will learn from your mistakes and understand what constructive criticism is and how it works. You are free, of course, to disregard everything, cry and whine about how you were flamed, and continue to post sub-standard work. The choice is yours.
An author gets a tad whiney
Author response to feedback (re: http://hellsbitch.blogspot.com/2004/11/if-summary-is-bad_14.html)
*major note* This is the THIRD time I've had to go back and edit this chapter. Two reviews, one ok and one that REALLY hurt me. I mean I DO proof read my work. I was going to go back over it and fix things later. If you have such a problem with my errors, then please DO NOT READ! I am going to say this once more: THIS IS MY FIRST FIC HERE!!! This constant flaming into my grammer will result in me leavng and not returning. And lastly, I am not trying to whine and coomplain, but if you REALLY want me to improve, say I have SOMETHING wrong but don't tell me. Let me find it.
Author, Midnight. Quoted directly from chapter 1 of her fan fiction, Spirited
So the first chapter was edited three times. This is a bad thing?
If this author does proof her own work, then she still needs help. Most of the errors were pretty basic. It's a proven fact that a writer will often miss her/his own mistakes. Rarely, in my experience, do new writers get around to fixing things later. Unless she/he really is serious about writing but that's almost impossible to tell, especially when said author whines like this one.
If this writer has a problem with errors being pointed out, perhaps she/he should stop posting. It's a readers right to read and review (good or bad) just as much as it's an authors right to write and post.
Yet another author who does not grasp the meaning of 'flaming'. All non-glowing, non-squealing-with-delight feedback is automatically a flame. I'd hate to see this writer when she/he enters the real world.
And pulling out the 'I'm leaving' whine is pathetic. If you can't handle pointers on how to improve your work then leave. No one will miss you or your contributions.
*major note* This is the THIRD time I've had to go back and edit this chapter. Two reviews, one ok and one that REALLY hurt me. I mean I DO proof read my work. I was going to go back over it and fix things later. If you have such a problem with my errors, then please DO NOT READ! I am going to say this once more: THIS IS MY FIRST FIC HERE!!! This constant flaming into my grammer will result in me leavng and not returning. And lastly, I am not trying to whine and coomplain, but if you REALLY want me to improve, say I have SOMETHING wrong but don't tell me. Let me find it.
Author, Midnight. Quoted directly from chapter 1 of her fan fiction, Spirited
So the first chapter was edited three times. This is a bad thing?
If this author does proof her own work, then she still needs help. Most of the errors were pretty basic. It's a proven fact that a writer will often miss her/his own mistakes. Rarely, in my experience, do new writers get around to fixing things later. Unless she/he really is serious about writing but that's almost impossible to tell, especially when said author whines like this one.
If this writer has a problem with errors being pointed out, perhaps she/he should stop posting. It's a readers right to read and review (good or bad) just as much as it's an authors right to write and post.
Yet another author who does not grasp the meaning of 'flaming'. All non-glowing, non-squealing-with-delight feedback is automatically a flame. I'd hate to see this writer when she/he enters the real world.
And pulling out the 'I'm leaving' whine is pathetic. If you can't handle pointers on how to improve your work then leave. No one will miss you or your contributions.
Monday, November 15, 2004
Everybody cry now
Response to post referenced here: http://hellsbitch.blogspot.com/2004/11/if-summary-is-bad_14.html
A response, not to my feedback but to the feedback left after mine. It was another reader calling the author on spelling et al. He/she did a better job than I did.
The response was not from the author but from someone else, possibly a friend or fanclub member (who knows). Said response is just too good...
Response Author: Caitlin - littlechildrenflew@yahoo.com
Hello everyone,
First of all, to the last comment posted, don't you think you are being a little too harsh? Sure, she made some grammar mistakes. But then again, shouldn't serious writers not care about that and look into the story for the story itself? And, yes that was harsh. Definations was just cruel, what are you trying to do, break someones writing spirit because of poor grammar? Anyhow, that was out of line. You could have been suggestful, but not insulting. And, yes, I do realise you said you weren't being mean. Maybe in your opinion you were not..
Since this isn't a response directed toward my feedback, I won't pick this apart and comment. Too damn easy anyway #grin#
A response, not to my feedback but to the feedback left after mine. It was another reader calling the author on spelling et al. He/she did a better job than I did.
The response was not from the author but from someone else, possibly a friend or fanclub member (who knows). Said response is just too good...
Response Author: Caitlin - littlechildrenflew@yahoo.com
Hello everyone,
First of all, to the last comment posted, don't you think you are being a little too harsh? Sure, she made some grammar mistakes. But then again, shouldn't serious writers not care about that and look into the story for the story itself? And, yes that was harsh. Definations was just cruel, what are you trying to do, break someones writing spirit because of poor grammar? Anyhow, that was out of line. You could have been suggestful, but not insulting. And, yes, I do realise you said you weren't being mean. Maybe in your opinion you were not..
Since this isn't a response directed toward my feedback, I won't pick this apart and comment. Too damn easy anyway #grin#
Sunday, November 14, 2004
My eyes have crossed...
Title: Harry's life unfolding
Author: danielradcliffe-lover-21
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2133066/1/
Feedback given:
Dear God, where to begin?
First, formatting, as in your complete and utter lack of! If you want anyone to actually read your work, fix the formatting.
Why is this fic starting out with what appears to be 'script-style' but switching to a non-script-style? Use one or the other, not both. And, so you know, script-style is not permitted on FF.N.
Proper names, such as Voldemort, Snape and Legolas, should always be capitalized.
Get a dictionary, or use a spell-check program at the very least.
imperius = could you mean imperious? I can't even figure out what word you're trying to use/spell.
exclamied = exclaimed
weekness = weakness
strenght = strength
imortal = immortal
Had you bothered to spell-check, or even read your work over before posting, these should have been picked up. If you can't be bothered reading your own work over, try and sucker someone into beta reading for you.
If this is an example of your best work, do the reading public a favor and stop posting.
Author: danielradcliffe-lover-21
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2133066/1/
Feedback given:
Dear God, where to begin?
First, formatting, as in your complete and utter lack of! If you want anyone to actually read your work, fix the formatting.
Why is this fic starting out with what appears to be 'script-style' but switching to a non-script-style? Use one or the other, not both. And, so you know, script-style is not permitted on FF.N.
Proper names, such as Voldemort, Snape and Legolas, should always be capitalized.
Get a dictionary, or use a spell-check program at the very least.
imperius = could you mean imperious? I can't even figure out what word you're trying to use/spell.
exclamied = exclaimed
weekness = weakness
strenght = strength
imortal = immortal
Had you bothered to spell-check, or even read your work over before posting, these should have been picked up. If you can't be bothered reading your own work over, try and sucker someone into beta reading for you.
If this is an example of your best work, do the reading public a favor and stop posting.
If the summary is bad...
Title: Spirited
Author: Midnight
Location: http://fiction.gurabiteshiyon.net/story.php?no=618
Feedback given:
You might try using a dictionary or not relying so heavily on a spell-checking program.
Frequent spelling mistakes in a summary are not the way to encourage people to read your work.
...on afternoon... - do you mean one?
accedent - accident
possiable - possible
Within the fic itself, your spelling improves, though it still needs work.
What, exactly is 'spexy'? Could you mean sexy?
... bobbed his head back and fourth... good try, but the correct spelling here is forth. Fourth is a number.
...screeching of tiers... tiers are layers (as in tiers of a cake). Try tires or tyres.
Decent first effort, but please pay attention to spelling and proof-read your work before posting.
Author: Midnight
Location: http://fiction.gurabiteshiyon.net/story.php?no=618
Feedback given:
You might try using a dictionary or not relying so heavily on a spell-checking program.
Frequent spelling mistakes in a summary are not the way to encourage people to read your work.
...on afternoon... - do you mean one?
accedent - accident
possiable - possible
Within the fic itself, your spelling improves, though it still needs work.
What, exactly is 'spexy'? Could you mean sexy?
... bobbed his head back and fourth... good try, but the correct spelling here is forth. Fourth is a number.
...screeching of tiers... tiers are layers (as in tiers of a cake). Try tires or tyres.
Decent first effort, but please pay attention to spelling and proof-read your work before posting.
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Title: Writers Block
Author: MayonakaKitsune-chan
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2130934/1/
Feedback given:
To start with it's prologue, not prologe.
As for the rest...
The 'chatter' at the beginning of chapters 1 and 2 is flat out annoying. The end bit of chapter 3 is even more so.
Your spelling, punctuation and formatting is atrocious.
After a period, there should be 2 spaces before beginning the next sentence and 1 space before the next word. Example - What is it Hee-chan?"Duo - there should be a space between the end quotation mark and Duo.
There should also be 1 space between words.
Paragraph breaks would be helpful and so would giving each speaker a separate line. As you've posted this story, it is very difficult to figure out who is speaking and your words are so jammed together it's not worth the effort to figure out.
You could benefit greatly by running your work through, at the very least, a spell-check program. I'd highly recommend a dictionary be added to your life as well.
oing - I assume this should be going
imediately - try immediately
mye - me or my?
proceded - proceeded
slamed - did you mean slammed?
definately - definitely
Of the approximately 540 words in what you call chapter 2, only 214 are actually 'story'. What a waste of space.
It would be in your best interest to learn how to write. There are a number of online resources for this, as well as printed material available at your local library.
If that seems like too much work, simply read a book written by a professional and make note of things like structure, paragraphing, spelling and grammar.
Should the above suggestion seem like too much work, please don't inflict your work on the public again.
Author: MayonakaKitsune-chan
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2130934/1/
Feedback given:
To start with it's prologue, not prologe.
As for the rest...
The 'chatter' at the beginning of chapters 1 and 2 is flat out annoying. The end bit of chapter 3 is even more so.
Your spelling, punctuation and formatting is atrocious.
After a period, there should be 2 spaces before beginning the next sentence and 1 space before the next word. Example - What is it Hee-chan?"Duo - there should be a space between the end quotation mark and Duo.
There should also be 1 space between words.
Paragraph breaks would be helpful and so would giving each speaker a separate line. As you've posted this story, it is very difficult to figure out who is speaking and your words are so jammed together it's not worth the effort to figure out.
You could benefit greatly by running your work through, at the very least, a spell-check program. I'd highly recommend a dictionary be added to your life as well.
oing - I assume this should be going
imediately - try immediately
mye - me or my?
proceded - proceeded
slamed - did you mean slammed?
definately - definitely
Of the approximately 540 words in what you call chapter 2, only 214 are actually 'story'. What a waste of space.
It would be in your best interest to learn how to write. There are a number of online resources for this, as well as printed material available at your local library.
If that seems like too much work, simply read a book written by a professional and make note of things like structure, paragraphing, spelling and grammar.
Should the above suggestion seem like too much work, please don't inflict your work on the public again.
Title: the new member
Author: angel666
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2130330/1/
Feedback offered:
Proper names (in other words, the name of a person) should always be capitalized. Example - duo should be Duo, heero should be Heero, miss duri should be Miss Duri. You should also ensure you've spelled these names correctly. You've got two different spellings for Heero's name.
Each speaker should have his or her own line. As you've written your story, it is difficult to figure out just who is talking in the first giant paragraph. Example - see the entire first paragraph.
Sentences should end in some form of punctuation, such as a period, question mark, exclamation mark or comma in the case of someone talking. Example - "Every one get in the meeting hall at once" should have a comma after once and before the closing quotes. "hey what took you guy so long" should have a question mark after long and before the closing quotes.
Sentences should also begin with a capital letter. Example - nearly every sentence you've written.
Apostrophes should be used for contractions. An example of a contraction is I'm for I am, or don't for do not.
Speech should be indicated by quotation marks at the beginning and end.
Using 'net-talk/spelling' or any other short form, is not acceptable in a work of fiction (unless the character happens to be speaking to someone online). Example - thru should be through. "...body u can set..." the 'u' should be you.
There are a number of ways you can improve yourself and your work.
First, use (at the very least) a spell-check program. There is also no shame in consulting a dictionary and/or thesaurus.
Visit your local library or go online for writing resources. These can be most helpful educating you on general formatting issues, sentence structure and grammar.
If that's too much work, trying reading a book written by a professional and note the structure and formatting he/she uses.
Author: angel666
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2130330/1/
Feedback offered:
Proper names (in other words, the name of a person) should always be capitalized. Example - duo should be Duo, heero should be Heero, miss duri should be Miss Duri. You should also ensure you've spelled these names correctly. You've got two different spellings for Heero's name.
Each speaker should have his or her own line. As you've written your story, it is difficult to figure out just who is talking in the first giant paragraph. Example - see the entire first paragraph.
Sentences should end in some form of punctuation, such as a period, question mark, exclamation mark or comma in the case of someone talking. Example - "Every one get in the meeting hall at once" should have a comma after once and before the closing quotes. "hey what took you guy so long" should have a question mark after long and before the closing quotes.
Sentences should also begin with a capital letter. Example - nearly every sentence you've written.
Apostrophes should be used for contractions. An example of a contraction is I'm for I am, or don't for do not.
Speech should be indicated by quotation marks at the beginning and end.
Using 'net-talk/spelling' or any other short form, is not acceptable in a work of fiction (unless the character happens to be speaking to someone online). Example - thru should be through. "...body u can set..." the 'u' should be you.
There are a number of ways you can improve yourself and your work.
First, use (at the very least) a spell-check program. There is also no shame in consulting a dictionary and/or thesaurus.
Visit your local library or go online for writing resources. These can be most helpful educating you on general formatting issues, sentence structure and grammar.
If that's too much work, trying reading a book written by a professional and note the structure and formatting he/she uses.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Title: Harry Potter and the year of Voldemort
Author: Dark-magic-shine
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2130486/1/
Feedback offered:
Please learn how to spell, how to use punctuation and how to indicate who is speaking before continuing further.
ALL of this is part of a story and cannot "be left a lone" simply because you say it should be. By the way, it is 'alone' - one word, not two.
"This place was damped" - that should be damp.
"KEEP UP." a girl gasped" - after KEEP UP, there should be a comma (,) not a period.
"(Ok Ron is going to be in Bold)" Why? There's only Harry and Ron speaking at this point so it is not too difficult to figure out who is talking and when. And if there is more than one person speaking, then this should be indicated by 'he said', 'she said' and variations on those.
"( he said this happy so you no.)" How a character says something should be indicated as a part of the story, not as a misspelled author note. Try using 'he said with a grin.' Oh, and the no should be know.
"O.M.G" Using an abbreviation like this is just lazy and sloppy. Spell it out.
"Your telling the truth" Your should be You're, short for You are.
If you don't have time to take a writing course, try reading a story written by a professional to see how sentences should be structured. If you simply don't care, please do the world a favor and do not post anything further.
At the very least you should have a beta reader (someone to go through your work before you post it) as the vast majority of your errors could have been caught and corrected before posting.
Author: Dark-magic-shine
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2130486/1/
Feedback offered:
Please learn how to spell, how to use punctuation and how to indicate who is speaking before continuing further.
ALL of this is part of a story and cannot "be left a lone" simply because you say it should be. By the way, it is 'alone' - one word, not two.
"This place was damped" - that should be damp.
"KEEP UP." a girl gasped" - after KEEP UP, there should be a comma (,) not a period.
"(Ok Ron is going to be in Bold)" Why? There's only Harry and Ron speaking at this point so it is not too difficult to figure out who is talking and when. And if there is more than one person speaking, then this should be indicated by 'he said', 'she said' and variations on those.
"( he said this happy so you no.)" How a character says something should be indicated as a part of the story, not as a misspelled author note. Try using 'he said with a grin.' Oh, and the no should be know.
"O.M.G" Using an abbreviation like this is just lazy and sloppy. Spell it out.
"Your telling the truth" Your should be You're, short for You are.
If you don't have time to take a writing course, try reading a story written by a professional to see how sentences should be structured. If you simply don't care, please do the world a favor and do not post anything further.
At the very least you should have a beta reader (someone to go through your work before you post it) as the vast majority of your errors could have been caught and corrected before posting.
