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Title: The Exchange Studnets
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: James Babe
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2220519/1/
Feedback given:

Repeat after me - I will use a spell-check program. I will proofread my story before posting.

Correct spelling - along with grammar, punctuation, form and structure - is necessary if you want people to read your story. Occasional errors can be overlooked most of the time; after all, everyone makes a typo or two. However, a large quantity of errors tends to make readers abandon your story. In case you didn't know, this is not a good thing.

Most, if not all, of your spelling errors would have been caught (and hopefully corrected) if you'd used a spell-check program. Nearly all word processing programs have this feature built-in. If yours does not, then a thirty-second search on Google will locate an on-line version. But that is probably too much work for you, so here's the address - spellcheck.net.

In a three-word title, you managed to spell one of the words wrong. And, in an approximately twenty-five-word summary, you have seven errors. Did you read what you typed in or simply hit the 'create story' button? Slow down and read what you type.

Like it or not, a vast number of readers will form at least a partial opinion of you simply by the way you write. Based on this story, I'd be willing to guess that opinion will never be favorable, or repeatable in public.

In the grand scheme of things, it does not matter if your story is not posted RIGHT NOW. You may think your reading public is clamoring for more of your work NOW, but not if it comes out looking like this story. Spend some time (a day, two days, a week...) and proofread your work. Have someone else proofread it if you can. And use a spell-check program!

If you cannot, or will not, spend the extra time to ensure your work has as few errors as possible then you should stop posting. No one wants to read poorly written stories like this and you will not earn many good reviews when your work is so shoddy. Unless you don't want good reviews, but I don't know too many writers who enjoy nothing but negative reviews.

[Edit] Jan 25-05 Story removed

Title: This might get ugly!
Fandom: Wolf's Rain
Author: toboe's-1-fan
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2231787/1/
Feedback given:

First, and foremost, you need to review the basics of writing.

Each time a new person speaks, a new line is to be used. Cramming multiple speakers into the same paragraph, apart from flat-out wrong, is confusing and makes a reader's eyeballs fuse.

Your punctuation is atrocious. Contracted words always require an apostrophe. This is not an optional but required.

- Don't is the contracted form of do not. Your version, dont, is incorrect.
- We're is the contracted form of we are. Were, your version of 'we're', is a totally different word.

Quotation marks are always to be used around speech elements. Failing to do so makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to tell where and when a character is actually speaking.

Spelling and using the right word matters. Learn the differences between their, there and they're. Each of these words have different meaning and are not interchangeable.

Giving one of your original characters the same name as a canon character is never a good idea. At least, I assume Blue is one of your original characters since she's not even close to the canon character.

The prelude to the fight reads like a school yard incident with small children and the actual fight itself is not believable.

Run your work through a spell-check program. Nearly all word processing programs come with one built-in. If yours does not have this feature, visit spellcheck.net for an on-line version.

Proofread your story before posting it and, if possible, have someone else do the same. Many errors can be corrected by doing this simple task.

Wolf's Rain already has more that its fair share of poorly written fan fiction. Please don't add more to this fandom.

[Edit] Story removed

Title: When the angel falls
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: Hope
Location: http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544175593
Feedback given:

Until you can spell, or use spell-check program, it would be best if you did not post more of this story.

There is more to a work of fan fiction than just the story and characterizations. Errors - spelling, grammar, structural - tend to jolt a reader out of a story. An occasional spelling error can be overlooked, but multiple errors will probably cause your readers to abandon your story. Most people read fan fiction for enjoyment. They do not want to work at figuring out what a writer is trying to say, what word the writer meant to use.

Some of the errors I caught immediately are:
wiarding
withdrawl
Snap
amlessly
him self
dungons
somthing
desperatly
gentaly
relation ship
sohulder
goodbyes
woud
thier
undiffrent
alittle
Underneth
indiffrent
fecade
braking
alot
sucluded
additude
hapen
abit
shouulders
pony tail
stoped
expecially

None of these are actual words, and all of them would have been caught if you'd spell-checked. You probably would have caught most of these if you'd proofread your story.

There are others, including using the wrong (though correctly spelled) word.


Punctuation is also important. There are many books available at your local library and a number of on-line resources. I'd suggest you look at a couple.

Capitalization is required for names of people and places. This is really not optional.

When the angel falls (Except for words like 'the' 'a' 'of', titles should have the first letter of each word capitalized)
hogwarts school of witch craft and wizardry
harry
potion's masters

Proofreading your own work is a good first start. Using a spell-check program is also highly recommended. If your word processing program does not come with one, there is an on-line version at spellcheck.net. Making use of a beta-reader (someone who proofreads your work) is a good idea. A writer will often not see some of their mistakes, whereas a beta-reader is more likely to find those missed mistakes.

The Harry Potter fandom is already overflowing with poorly written stories. Rather than add to the pile, stand out from the crowd by producing something as error-free as you can make it. Your readers, present and future, will thank you for the extra effort and care.

[Edit Jan 24-05] Story removed, author name changed to Faith

Title: Spiked Tea, Among Other Things
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Author: Really Bad Eggs
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/405107/1/
Feedback given:

Where to begin with this story...

Your spelling is atrocious, grammar deplorable, use of punctuation disgusting and basic structure a disgrace.

By now you should have learned the basics of spelling, grammar and writing. If you cannot remember any of those lessons, go back and review.

Proofread your work before posting and use a spell-checker. If you do not have a spell-checker built into your word processing program, an on-line version is available at spellcheck.net - use it!

'strangly' - The word is 'strangely'.
'latly' - Say what? Try using 'lately'.
'somthing' - There is an 'e' missing from this word. Can you figure out where?
'nose bleed' - No, not two words but one word.
'shruged' - There should be another 'g'.
'Owch' - Change the 'w' to a 'u'.
'ingediants' - The correct spelling is 'ingredients'.
'facevalted' - Use a hyphen in this word - 'face-vaulted'. And note correct spelling.
'alcohal' or 'alchol' - Wrong! It is 'alcohol'.
'simulataneously' - An extra 'a' has been added, can you see where?
'pregenat' - No such word. Do you mean 'pregnant'? And couldn't you look up a couple lines and use the 'same spelling, which was correct, as you previously used?
'quicckly' - This word has never had two 'c's in it.
'apolizged' - No, not even close. Look this word up.
'Relina' - Why? Why is this spelled wrong SEVEN times?
'sledhammer' - Strange, in all my years I've never heard of this tool. I have heard of a sledge-hammer.
'scoled' - No idea what word you were grasping for here.
'shes' - This is a contracted word and requires an apostrophe.
'thouroughly' - Do you mean 'thoroughly'?
'pefectly' - Try 'perfectly'. Can you see the difference?
'instinctly' - What? Could you mean 'instantly'?
'reponse' - No such word.
'instanely' - Can't find this word either.
'healthly' - Try again.
'espically' - Wow, what was this supposed to be?
'contined' - Does this have something to do with tins?

When writing speech (characters talking), each speaker is to be on a separate line. More than one speaker in the same paragraph is very hard to follow and is incorrect.

There are numerous instances of missing spaces, especially near conversation. This is an error repeated throughout your story.

'...and said,"WHAT are...' Between the comma and the quotation marks, a space is required.
'...Quatre said,"You've been...' Same spacing issue here.

If you cannot, or will not, proofread your work and post something readable then stop posting. This story is an insult to potential readers and the fandom as a whole. There are plenty of poorly written Gundam Wing stories already, don't add to the pile.

Title: Duo's Surprise
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Author: Oree
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1677936/1/
Feedback given:

Spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalization, form and structure are all important elements to writing. They are just as important, if not more, than the plot and/or characterizations. Readers, ones with at least half a brain, will abandon your story if they have to spend time deciphering your words.

There is no excuse for not proofreading your work at least twice before posting it. You say you do not have a spell-checker. Okay, but did you think to go online and look for one there? Open your browser, go to Google and type the words spell check into the search bar. The first link to show is a wonderful place called spellcheck.net - use it!

Now, here are some specifics about your story:

Proper names are capitalized at all times; first AND last names, without exception.

'heero' - Heero.
'duo' - Duo.
'quatre' - Quatre.
'Sally po' - Sally Po.

When writing speech, each speaker should be on a separate line. Cramming more than one speaker into a line or paragraph is incorrect and difficult to read.

Learn the difference between their, there and they're. More than once you've used the wrong form.

Spelling a character's name incorrectly - in the title of a chapter no less - is inexcusable. This is a prime example why you should a) proofread your work before posting and b) use a spell-checker.

Author notes within the body of the story are tacky, unnecessary and distracting. If you, the author, absolutely must say something, use a footnote (look it up if you don't know what it is).


' "Uh duo I have some interesting news." Sally po said. " What kind of news." Duo asked a little scared.

This example, drawn right from chapter 1, is riddled with errors.
1) Duo's speech should be on a new line.
2) After 'Uh' a comma is needed.
3) 'duo' is a proper name and requires capitalization.
4) '...news." ' Wrong punctuation used - the period should be a comma.
5) 'po' is a proper name and requires capitalization.
6) ' " What...' There should be no space between the opening quotation mark and the start of the word.
7) '...of news." Duo asked...' If Duo 'asked' then there should be a question mark, not a period, at the end of news.


If this is a good example of your work, do the fan fiction world a huge favor and stop posting. If you cannot, or will not, take the time to ensure your work is as error free as possible then no fandom needs your contribution.

Your author note at the beginning of chapter four is stupid and childish. This may be YOUR fic, but YOU have chosen to post it in a PUBLIC archive. As soon as you did that, you opened yourself up to reviews - good AND bad. If you cannot handle bad reviews in a mature manner, then there's another reason to stop posting.

Title: Hard Times
Fandom: Queer as Folk (US)
Author: angelbaby
Location: http://www.bjfic.net/viewstory.php?sid=5844
Feedback given:

For a 'chapter' this is rather short. The reader doesn't get much in the way of emotion or a sense of character in only 246 words.

You could use some help with punctuation. You're missing commas, misplaced commas, missing quotes and missing periods.

The second paragraph is a run-on sentence. There are also some grammar issues. Here is one example of how the sentence could be reworked:

"He'd just gotten off the phone with Brett, who had told him that he was working on a new film and needed an art director for it. With Justin having done so well on Rage, Brett wanted to know if Justin would be interested in working on the new project. Unfortunately, it would mean returning to L.A."

In the next paragraph, you are missing quotation marks around Justin's thoughts. The first part, 'Damn,' is correct, but the part after 'he thought' should have quotes.

'...sort through is thoughts he poured...' A comma is needed after 'thoughts'.
'...himself for the worst' Missing a period after 'worst'.

'The clock on his cell read 6:45 and Brian would be home soon and Justin decided it was best to try to talk to him now rather than later.'

This sentence would be better as two sentences. Here's an example of how two sentences might be done:

'The clock on his cell read 6:45 and Brian would be home soon. Justin decided it was best to try to talk to Brian now, rather than later.

The last paragraph is a bit confusing and needs some help. Here's an example of how it might be reworked:

'Twenty minutes later, Justin was lying in bed. After his second shot of Beam he'd suddenly felt very tired and decided to take a nap. A short time later, he was woken by the sound of the iron door closing and Brian coming in. 'Here it goes,' Justin though as he made his way out of bed.

Please proofread your work before posting and, if at all possible, have someone else beta-read your work. It never hurts to have another set of eyes checking for errors.

[Edit] Story removed (in under 2 hours!)

Title: Eyes of Ice
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: Dragonlady666
Location: http://www.fanfictionworld.net/hparchive/viewstory.php?sid=83686
Feedback given:

Wow, have you ever been taught how to use punctuation? Or proper writing form/structure? There is more to a story than simply the plot and characters.

Quotation marks are used around speech. An asterisk is never, ever, a substitute for a quotation mark.

The end of a sentence, even speech, requires punctuation. This punctuation can take the form of a comma, period, question mark, or exclamation mark. Using no punctuation is not acceptable, ever.

You appear to be a bit confused on the use of 'an' versus 'a'. A good rule to remember is when the next word begins with a vowel, use 'an'.

There's also a bit of confusion of the word 'too'. Too generally means "also, in addition to, moreover" where as To can be defined as "expressing what is reached or approached or touched". In this case - '...and start too take...' - the use of 'too' is incorrect.

Running your work through a spell-checker is highly recommended. Not only will it find spelling errors, but also areas where you've missed spaces. If your word-processing program does not have a spell-check feature, an on-line version is available at www.spellcheck.net. An added bonus of using a spell-check program is that a number of them will also perform a grammar check.

Before posting anything further, take the time to proofread your work and ensure it is the best it can possibly be. If at all possible, have someone else read over your work. Authors will often miss their own mistakes whereas someone else will catch them.

Ensuring your work is as error-free as possible does take extra time, but your readers (present and future) will thank you for it. If you cannot, or will not, do this then don't post anything further. The Harry Potter fandom is awash with poorly written stories - don't add to it.

[Edit Jan 24-05] Story removed

Title: The Demon Child
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Author: Batto-Jitsu
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2215911/1/
Feedback given:

When writing any kind of conversation, each speaker should be on a separate line. Putting more than one speaker in the same paragraph is confusing to the reader.

You should probably brush up on how/when to use punctuation. There are many good references available at your local library or on-line.

In written speech, after the last word and before the closing quotation marks, some form of punctuation is required. Usually, a comma is used, but periods, exclamation marks and question marks are also acceptable. Using no punctuation is not acceptable.

'...do to my room" ' - As it sounds like Duo is asking a question, a question mark should be used.
'...I just tidied it up" Quatre said...' - In this case, a comma should be used.


Your spelling is not bad, better than what I've seen elsewhere lately.


Grammatically, you could use a bit of help.

'...Where glad to be here" - 'Where' should be 'We are' or 'We're'.
'...plain his next move.' - I think the word you meant to use was plan.
'...room" Duo scream with...' - The word 'scream' should be screamed.
'...Duo said turning his back and his braid almost hitting Quatre.' - First, there should be a comma after 'said'. Second, the sentence is awkward. Try this, for example, instead - '...Duo said as he quickly turned around, his braid swinging out to nearly hit Quatre.'

Using the same tense - past or present - consistently throughout the story is also important. 'Said' is a past-tense word, whereas 'appears' is a present-tense word. Pick on tense and stick with it.

A writer should always proofread his/her work and, if possible, have someone else look it over. There are many people within the Gundam Wing fandom who will assist new writers by beta-reading their stories.

Title: The Demon Child
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Author: Batto-Jitsu
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2215911/1/
Feedback given:

When writing any kind of conversation, each speaker should be on a separate line. Putting more than one speaker in the same paragraph is confusing to the reader.

You should probably brush up on how/when to use punctuation. There are many good references available at your local library or on-line.

In written speech, after the last word and before the closing quotation marks, some form of punctuation is required. Usually, a comma is used, but periods, exclamation marks and question marks are also acceptable. Using no punctuation is not acceptable.

'...do to my room" ' - As it sounds like Duo is asking a question, a question mark should be used.
'...I just tidied it up" Quatre said...' - In this case, a comma should be used.


Your spelling is not bad, better than what I've seen elsewhere lately.


Grammatically, you could use a bit of help.

'...Where glad to be here" - 'Where' should be 'We are' or 'We're'.
'...plain his next move.' - I think the word you meant to use was plan.
'...room" Duo scream with...' - The word 'scream' should be screamed.
'...Duo said turning his back and his braid almost hitting Quatre.' - First, there should be a comma after 'said'. Second, the sentence is awkward. Try this, for example, instead - '...Duo said as he quickly turned around, his braid swinging out to nearly hit Quatre.'

Using the same tense - past or present - consistently throughout the story is also important. 'Said' is a past-tense word, whereas 'appears' is a present-tense word. Pick on tense and stick with it.

A writer should always proofread his/her work and, if possible, have someone else look it over. There are many people within the Gundam Wing fandom who will assist new writers by beta-reading their stories.

Title: The story of a princess
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Author: silverlining on a darkcloud
Location: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/85482
Feedback given:

Do the reading public a huge favor and learn to spell, how to use capital letters and punctuation.

Most word-processing programs come with a spell-check option these days. If yours does not have one, an on-line version is available at http://www.spellcheck.net. Proofreading your own work is also a wise thing to do. You may have caught some of the most blatant errors simply be re-reading your story before posting it.


Your summary is not encouraging. Ten mistakes for a forty-eight word summary is deplorable.

'step-sister' - You are referring to more than one person so this word should be 'step-sisters'.
'gundam-pilots' - This is not a hyphenated word and 'gundam' should be capitalized.
'cant' - This word is the contracted form of can not and an apostrophe is required. Can you figure out where?
'some swear...' The start of a new sentence is always capitalized.
'sensored' - Correct spelling of this word is 'censored'.
'truth or dare gundam wing style' - Except for the 'or', all other words should be capitalized and a period is required after 'style' since that is the end of a sentence.

The first chapter, or prologue, is not much better.

'...students.Seeing her...' - A space, preferably two, is required after a period and before a new sentence begins.
'monthes' - This word does not have an 'e' in it.
'gundam' - Capitalize this word.
'monthes' - (see above)
' "gawd...' - The start of a sentence required capitalization.
'twomarrow' - No such word could be found. Try 'tomorrow'.
'...twomarrow?" Noor answered,...' No, Noor did not 'answer' her sister. A question mark implies a question was asked.
'somthing' - There is a letter missing from this word. Can you figure out which one and where it goes?
'board' - Right spelling of this word, but it is the wrong word. 'Board' means "a flat thin piece of sawn timber" whereas 'bored' is defined as "weary, tired".
'...with him.putting it...' Spacing issue after the period (again) and no capital letter at the beginning of a new sentence.
'Suddenly the doorbell rang.' A comma is needed after 'suddenly'.

The next chapter is just as bad, if not a little worse.

Spelling, grammar, punctuation, form and structure are all part of story writing. Errors in these areas will turn more potential readers off your work than poor characterizations or plots. If a person has to work at figuring out where a sentence stops/starts or what a word is supposed to be, then they will probably leave before the story is finished. Driving readers away is not what an author normally desires.

If it takes a little extra time to ensure your work is as error-free as possible, then so be it. If the next chapter takes an extra hour, day or week to be posted who cares? You will gain more readers, and positive reviews, by posting a chapter that is readable and coherent.

Books on grammar, punctuation and general writing are available at your local library. A number of resources can also be found on-line. Dictionaries are available almost everywhere, including on-line. Always run your work through a spell-check program, proofread it yourself and, if possible, use a beta-reader or ask a friend to look it over.

In response to this reply referencing this feedback -

OK i don't care if you don't believe me when I say that I did put it through spell check >because I really don't care for something stupid like,

Something stupid like, what? Spelling, grammar, structure, form, all of these?

next i have read most of the QAF fanfic and I DON'T pay attention to spelling of the story or names I pay attention to the plot and what the story is about ( something you might want to consider ).

Because, of course, you can instantly tell from the review that the reviewer has never paid attention to a plot in a fanfic. Right. It's hard to miss how something is spelled when you see it a few hundred times. And if you can't take in what a story is about while at the same time noting such trivial things as spelling, then you should really keep your stories private until you've got the hang it.

And yes I have watched QAF more then 20 times and as I said before I pay attention to the plot and not to all of the sex going on because that dose not interest me ( but if it interest you then keep paying attention to that instead of the show ).And last i think you need to pay attention to the show more then I do

Because, once again, you can tell I don't pay attention to the show and only watch for the implied-sex. Wow, it's like you're right here, inside my head *snort*.

Watching the show, following the story lines, getting to know the characters and how they all interact is a separate matter from my review. Frankly, I find your characters flat, lacking personality and really can't see Brian actually having sex with Michael like that. But it looks like you are just beginning to write fan-fiction and it takes each writer a while to find a style and voice that works. Given that, allowances are made for poor characterizations and not commented on. Keep watching the show, keep practicing writing the characters and these aspects will improve with time.

However, none of the above is any kind of excuse for poor spelling, grammar and form. Many readers will put up with bad plots and characterizations but not when the story is so riddled with other errors. If a reader has to work at figuring out what a sentence or word is supposed to be or say, then the reader will give up and leave the story. Is that what you want? To drive readers away? If so, you're off to a great start.

It takes two minutes (if that) to click on one of the QaF story links and see how a name is spelled. It takes the same time (or less) to go to one of the many QaF web sites (general info or Michael/Brian specific) and check the spelling. So a little research is required and you can't post your story exactly when you want. Taking the time to make the details right will earn you more readers in the long run.

But really, it comes down to doing what you want. It appears you are well on your way to becoming another fourth-rate writer who will become lost amidst the other poorly written stories. Good luck with that.

Received via e-mail in response to this feedback -

OK first of all i did run it threw spell check and every thing was fine so thats not my fault it's the computer, second I try it put a capital at the begging of each name if I missed one oh to fucking bad. Deal with it its not like it's the end of the world.And last I did not know how to spell the name right so try as best a i could to wright the name.So get off my back about these things.Its not like I did not try

And replied with -

I doubt you actually did run your story through (please note the CORRECT spelling) a spell-check program. The errors present were ones no spell-check program would have missed and ones you should have caught yourself had you re-read your story after spell-checking it. Blaming the errors on the computer is childish and doesn't hold water.

It wasn't just one capital letter missed, it was many. The name Michael was rarely capitalized in your first posting.

If you have never, ever, seen an episode of QaF or read a QaF fan-fiction, maybe I could believe not knowing how to spell Brian's name. You've got a number QaF stories in your 'Favorite Stories' list, so have you not actually read them? From what I can see Brian's name comes up quite frequently.

Why don't you try dealing with not receiving a glowing review and taking the time to ensure your work is as error free as possible. If you do that, then you'll receive very few 'bad' reviews.

Your re-post of the story is somewhat of an improvement. You've attempted to correct your errors, but left a fair number of old ones and made a couple new ones.

There are a number of people within the QaF fandom who will do beta-reading, something you could benefit greatly from. Using a beta-reader is not an admission that a writer is no good, or anything else demeaning. And it's always good to have another set of eyes look over your work - what makes sense and flows to the writer might not make the same sense to a reader.

Title: QAF Season 1
Fandom: Queer As Folk (US)
Author: Bluelilly1928
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2171185/1/
Feedback given:

To start with, character names should be spelled correctly - Brian NOT Bryan and Michael, NOT Michel.

And speaking of spelling, you should invest in a dictionary - NOW. Did you bother to run your work through a spell-checking program or proofread it? Spelling DOES count in a work of fiction.

commic - This word has one 'm' in it.
geting - The correct spelling is 'getting'. Note the double 't'.
opin - Try 'open'.
an nother - One word, not two - another.
rasied - Could you mean 'raised'?
whent - Maybe 'when'?
ther - Are you trying for the word 'their'?
wraper - Double 'p' in this word.
Poaitioned - What is this supposed to be?
screemed - There's an extra 'e' and a missing 'a' in this word. Can you figure out where?
littel - No such word, try again.
aparment - Can't find this word either.

Proper names should be capitalized. Michael is a proper name and deserves a capital 'M' just as 'Ben' deserves a capital 'B'.

Punctuation is missing or misused throughout the story. If you cannot figure out how to use quotation marks and commas, go to you local library and get a book on punctuation.

While you're at the library, get a couple books on spelling and grammar too.

If you cannot, or will not, take the time to ensure your work is as error free as possible, then do not post anything further. No one expects perfection, but to post something with so many errors makes a writer appear lazy, ignorant and completely uncaring of potential readers.

[Edit Jan 20-05] Address of story changed to http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2227747/1/ and all reviews removed.

[Edit - Jan 20-05] Author response

[Edit - Jan 20-05] More response from the author

[Edit - Jan 21-05] Story removed

Title: A harsh word or two
Fandom: Gravitation
Author: Athene
Location: http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544175014
Feedback given:

This is a joke, right? Did you bother to proofread your story before posting it? Contrary to what you may have heard, or been told, spelling, punctuation and grammar DO matter.

' No ones home yet.' 'ones' requires an apostrophe between the 'e' and the 's'.

'All they light is off and will first burn brightly late in the afternoon.' This sentence is a total mess.
- 'they' should be 'the' and 'is' should be 'are'.

- 'will first burn brightly late in the afternoon.' What are you trying to say here?

'*BAAAAAAM* the silent was broken as the door swung open and reviled a boy with feminine looking.'
- The word 'silent' should be 'silence'.

- The word 'was' infers a past-tense yet you've been using present-tense in the previous paragraph. Pick a tense and stick with it through the entire story.

- 'reviled' means to 'abuse verbally, to berate, to scold'. Is this word you truly meant to use, or were you looking for the word 'revealed'?

- 'with feminine looking' what? What was feminine-looking about the boy?

' "YUUUUUKIIIIIII, I'M HOME" the boy shouts and takes off his shoes and jacket. The boy was meet with silence.'
- A comma is required after 'home' and before the closing quotation mark.

- 'shouts' Indicates present tense, yet another shift in tensing.

- The word 'meet' should be met.

With so many errors in the first three paragraphs I highly suspect most of your potential readers (and reviewers) and hitting the 'Back' button at an alarming speed.

A word on author notes. They never, EVER, belong in the middle of a story. If an explanation of some kind is absolutely needed by the author, use a footnote instead.

Writing is more than just the story itself. No one expects perfection, but an author should do his/her best to ensure errors such as yours are kept to a minimum. Proofread your own work and, if possible, have someone else proofread it as well. If you cannot, or will not, do this then please stop posting. There are enough poorly written stories without you adding to them.

Title: Lily
Fandom: Wolf's Rain
Author: Fuzzy Kyo
Location: http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544173738
Feedback given:

Please take the time to proofread your work before posting.

It looks like you may have used a spell-check program, which is a good thing, but don't rely just on the program to catch your errors. There are a couple of instances where you've used the wrong homophone:

'an ally' 'Ally' means "to enter into an alliance". The word you probably meant to use is 'alley'.

'to week to' The first 'to' should be 'too'. The word 'week' refers to "seven successive days". The word you should be using here is 'weak', which means "lacking strength".

Though you've spelled these words correctly, they are the wrong words:

'she look around' 'Look' should be 'looked'.

'remember see my brother' 'See should be 'seeing'.

'but... he's was' 'He's' should be 'he'.

'blood lose her' The word 'lose' should be 'loss'.

'eyes widen as' 'Widen' should be 'widened'.

Some of your phrasing could use some work too:

'regain full consciousness of her surroundings' A person does not regain consciousness of surroundings, they regain awareness.

'thought see that the' Not sure what you're trying to say here.

'It only took her a few seconds for her to' Try 'it only took her a few seconds to realize' or 'it only took a few seconds for her to realize'.

There are numerous punctuation errors, as well as some capitalization issues.

As mentioned earlier, you would be doing well to proofread your work before posting and, if possible, having someone else beta-read your work.

This gem was left as a comment on the Blogger/Blogspot journal. It's not a response to any particular comment and deserves an entry all its own.

Hellsbit_ch, I couldn't find a more suitable place to say what I want to say, so I'm saying it here. I hope you don't mind.

I really like and enjoy your criticism of some of the very many poorly-written fics out in the great, big world. As you have said repeatedly in the "flames" (term used loosely) that I have read so far, there are very many of us readers that do turn around and practically RUN away from many, many of these poorly written, sad excuses for reading material. I enjoy well-written, properly formatted, punctuated and spell-checked fanfiction. Anything less than that is cause for me to immediately hit the "Back" button on my browser. I truly wish that more of the so-called "writers" that you have attempted to help out would take your very contstructive advice seriously. More and more often, I find myself using that little left-pointing arrow that symbolizes escape from atrociously-written "works."

For those "authors" who come here to read the advice or argue with Hellsbit_ch, please, for our sake, take the advice seriously. Even though YOU may not care very much to format, spell-check, punctuate, etc. your writings, we as readers appreciate things like that. Story content is NOT enough! You will find many, many more "good" reviews from readers if you would take the time and do these things. If you do not wish to receive constructive criticism, do not post your work. You must remember that posting work on hosting sites such as FF.Net makes your work available for all ("all" meaning the general public) to see. Not everyone will be satisfied with the low level of attentiveness that many so-called "authors" give to their works. If your main goal in publishing your works is to clutter the 'Net with garbage by not paying more attention to the readers' needs, then by all means, continue. Know that your work is NOT appreciated by many readers. Many of us hit the "Back" button before we reach the end of the first paragraph (should there be any). For those who truly wish to do better, you would do well to follow Hellsbit_ch's advice. Take it with a grain of salt if you find the commentary too stinging, but remember that you are doing yourself, and above all else, your readers, a great justice in your attempt to do better.

Thank You,
mynee (name purposely not capitalized)

Thank you, mynee, well said. Drop me an e-mail if you feel like chatting.

Title: Half Blood Princess
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: LP Hybrid28
Location: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2158584/1/
Feedback given:


Before posting more of your story, it would be best if you proofread your work more and used the assistance of a beta-reader to further polish the rough spots.

Pick one tense (past, present, etc) and stick with it. It's confusing, not to mention incorrect, to shift tenses like you have done.

Spelling is important, as is choosing the correct word to use. While 'names' is a correctly spelled word, it is not the right word. A person is not 'names', but 'named'.

Using a spell-check program is always a good idea, but proofreading your own work will catch little things like the 'names'/'named' error. And if you do not have a spell check program, one is available on-line at www.spellcheck.net.

Punctuation is also important. Improper usage, or lack of usage, renders a story confusing and unreadable.

Here are your first two sentences as written:
"A beautiful witch names Alexia, roamed the earth she traveled far and wide fighting off the dark forces. She spent much time in Romania, while in Romania she got more than she ever would have expected...."

Instead, try:
"A beautiful witch named Alexia roamed the Earth. She traveled far and wide, fighting off dark forces of evil. Much of her time was spent in Romania, where she encountered more than she ever would have expected...

This example is not perfect, but it shows how you can improve the flow by using punctuation (and a few word changes).

When indicating speech, punctuation must still be used.

" "Geez mum you act like the train has started moving" Carmilla said. " – A comma is required after 'moving' and before the closing quotation mark.

" "I just don't want you to be late" "- In this case, a period is required after 'late' and before the closing quotation mark.

".. how to handle myself." Carmilla said reassuringly. " - Here, the period after 'myself' should instead be a comma.

There are many on-line tutorials to assist with punctuation, or your local library will have books available.

No one expects perfection, however a writer should always do their best to ensure the work posted is as free from errors as possible.

Multiple errors can cause a number of potential readers to abandon your story and no writer desires that. Readers will also, fairly or not, form an opinion about a writer based on what has been written and how. If a story has many errors, come readers may assume the writer does not care about their work and label said writer as ignorant and uneducated. No writer truly wants that.

If you cannot, or will not, take the time to edit your work then do not post anything further. Harry Potter is overrun with poorly written, slap-dash stories – don't add to it. Instead, stand out from the crowd by posting something well written and coherent. Readers will thank you for it.

# posted by hellsbit_ch @ 2:53 PM 0 comments

Title: Wolf Girl
Fandom: Wolf's Rain
Author: Natsume
Location: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/77849
Feedback given:

Please, do the reading public a huge favor - proofread your work and/or use a beta-reader before posting anything further.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation are just as important as the story premise. Ignoring these elements is insulting to readers and makes the writer appear to be an ignorant, uneducated idiot. Most writers would not care to be thought of in that manner.

After a period, at least one space (preferably two) is required before starting the next word. A period, or some other form of punctuation, is also required at the end of a sentence. When using a comma, a space is required between the comma itself and the next word.

Your spelling is atrocious. Most, if not all, of your spelling mistakes should have been caught if you had proofread your work and/or used a spell-check program. Nearly all word processing programs come with a spell-check feature. If yours does not have one, an on-line version is available at www.spellcheck.net.

drumes - Do you mean 'drums'?

breths - Try 'breaths', though 'breathing' would be a better word to use.

puicken - Maybe you mean 'quicken'?

ingerd - No idea what word you're trying to use.

reafused - There is no 'a' in 'refused'.

climed - Missing the letter 'b', but can you see where?

sholder - Missing a letter in this word. Do you know which letter is missing?

rightpast - This is two words - 'right' and 'past' - not one.

frightend - The word is 'frightened'.

Ther - No such word, try 'there'.

hav - Do you mean 'have'?

enouph - No, the correct spelling is 'enough'.

keped - What word is this supposed to be? Maybe 'kept'?

strate - The word is 'straight'.

plasterd - Letter missing, but can you tell which one and where it belongs?

aginsed - Correct spelling is 'against'.

raeched - Reverse the order of the 'a' and 'e'.

intrence - No such word. Do you mean 'entrance'?

whith - The word is 'with'. Notice there is only one 'h' in the word.

enouph - The 'p' should be a 'g'.

slinder - Do you mean 'slender'?

untill - One 'l' in this word.

cralled - The word is 'crawled'.

fierd - What word are you trying to use here?

evry - Missing a letter, but do you know what one?


Unless a word the name of a character, an abbreviation/acronym or for emphasis, capital letters should not be used midway through a sentence.

"considered Just to"
"puicken And her"
"reached The Bank she"
"determined To lose"
"head, And growled"
"of water When she"
"evry thing Went"


Take the time to ensure your work is as error-free as it can be before posting. If you can't, or won't, then stop posting. There are more than enough poorly written stories without you adding to the collection.